Texas Life

I didn't know exactly what to expect when I moved to Texas. I had rented an apartment over the phone, without ever visiting the DFW area where I'd be spending the next year.

And honestly, Texas has been the butt of many jokes between me and my husband--we like to call it the One Star State. (Note: I've heard people wrongly say "so-and-so and I" so many times lately--they should say "and me," it almost sounds wrong to say "me" even though it's correct.)

Dallas is definitely not one of America's jewels. It seems to be known for its air pollution, football, and almost year-round heat (and now its inability to cope with winter weather) and even high crime. It's even on this list of 10 worst cities to raise a family. In general, the people aren't really that friendly (Carolina folks are nicer, in my opinion) and the scenery is just tiresome (I'm missing the picturesque horizons from Seattle, not to mention the greenery.) I hate driving around here, because despite the sign (from my honeymoon drive through Texas two Decembers ago), drivers are aggressive and either inconsiderate or oblivious to other drivers.

But there is something here which maybe isn't expected--a well-established and thriving Muslim community, including open and active masajid, and a number of well-educated scholars and imams. In fact, though my husband used to joke about hating to come visit me here in Texas, the last time he was here he remarked that Dallas actually might be a nice place to settle down--due especially to the masjid, surrounded by neighborhoods full of Muslims. Maybe that's easy to say in the middle of winter when daily highs are only rarely over room temperature, but I think it is true that Dallas is a good place for Muslims. Or maybe not Dallas specifically, but its suburbs--Irving, Plano, Richardson, Arlington, Colleyville, etc.

I'm not convinced that I'd like to settle here but I can't deny that the community is very welcoming. And while I can't disguise my eagerness to return to Seattle, some major credit should go to the leaders of the Dallas Muslim community for all their efforts to make this place such a great place for Muslims to live.

National Tragedy vs. Muslim Holiday

With all the controversy about the non-ground zero non-mosque, a lot of misinformation about Islam has been raining on the internet and even some television shows.

Beyond the obvious irrational discussion about Park51, I'm afraid that Americans are being lied to regarding how Muslims feel about the tragedy of 9/11. And it's important this year, because those Americans might see their Muslim neighbors celebrating a holiday on that day--it's Saturday this year--for a completely unrelated reason.

And I want to clear up the confusion.

One disconcerting (yet utterly false) claim I've heard regarding Park51 is that Muslims supposedly like to build mosques on the sacred sites of conquered lands. How is that related to Park51? (Yeah, it's a leap; bear with me.) The enemies of Islam have been portraying the tragic loss of some 3000 lives 9 years ago as a "victory" for Islam. Let's be clear--it was nothing but a brutal tragedy, and has only been condemned by Muslim leaders--including the imam behind the project, by the way. Islam did not attack, but the terrorists (they don't even represent Islam--let's clear the air of that foul and false association) who did attack are hiding in caves--not what I'd call a victory by any definition. Ground Zero hardly resembles a "conquest." And nobody's building a mosque (or anything else I'm aware of) on Ground Zero.

The reason I say it's a false claim in the first place is because I've never even heard of Muslim building mosques on "sacred sites." In fact, there's a story about 'Umar ibn al-Khattab at the conquest of Jerusalem acting in order to preserve a holy site, so that a mosque would not be built on top of it. The reasons Muslims do build mosques, however, is to pray in them. And they build them in locations where Muslims live and work--since it's recommended to pray in them daily. So when there are Muslims in Manhattan, there need also be a mosque, or at least a "prayer space" for them in Manhattan. Nothing sinister about that.

But the fact that this claim is polluting the airways is causing a problem--corroding the barrier of common sense in people's minds which protects them from irrational paranoia. And I'm afraid that one piece of information might tip the balance. What information? The trivial date of an Islamic holiday--Eid al-Fitr.

You see, it's possible that Muslims might find themselves celebrating a festive day in their religion on the same day that Americans (and Muslim Americans too) are mourning the tragedy of 9/11. And I fear that anyone swimming in the sea of misinformation about Islam might find themselves drowning without a proper understanding of the context of this holiday.

Muslims celebrate essentially two major holidays each lunar year of the Islamic calendar. The days are called Eids, and they are Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha. The lunar Islamic calendar has 12 lunar months, each 29 or 30 days--depending on the lunar cycle. Here's a bit of math:

There are 12 months, each having an average of 29.5 days (average of 29 and 30), resulting in a yearly total of about 354 days. In a solar year there are 365 days--probably what you learned back in grade school, since the calendar followed by the Western world, which runs from January to December, is based on a solar year, with 365 days. Why the discrepancy? Because they just don't line up.

It's okay, except that the Islamic lunar calendar--with only 354 days--will seem to move forward each year, since it's about 12 days shorter. There's no leap month every once in a while to keep the lunar calendar fixed against the solar one, it just keeps on moving, every year.

This means that Ramadan starts about a week and a half earlier (in the solar calendar) each year than the previous year. Two years ago it started on the 1st of September, last year it started in mid-late August, and this year it started in early-mid August. Next year, God willing, it will start at the very beginning of August or end of July.

But let's get back to the holidays--one of them occurs right at the end of Ramadan. It's called Eid al-Fitr. And this year, Ramadan ends right around September 11th. The Eid will consist of a congregational prayer early in the morning, just like it does every year at the end of Ramadan. Muslims will then celebrate it with family and friends by cooking, visiting, eating, maybe even sharing gifts.

Because the start and end of Ramadan is based on different criteria in different communities, it might not be universally celebrated on one day or another. But the day on which Eid is celebrated has no significance to the solar date, as it moves every year as well. So the holiday itself has nothing to do with the tragedy of September 11th, which I might point out was nowhere near the Eid 9 years ago, the year of the tragedy.

And while the prayer associated with Eid really can't be moved, I think it is wise for Muslim communities to try to schedule Eid-related weekend fairs and carnivals around the tragedy (by having them on Sunday the 12th instead of Saturday the 11th, or Saturday the 18th instead of the 11th.) However, this decision is up to local communities and the resources available to them. I've heard of many communities scheduling events deliberately off of the September 11th date in order to avoid local controversies, and to be more sensitive to Americans who choose that day to mourn that tragedy.

But more importantly, it is critical for us, as Muslims, to explain what the holiday Eid al-Fitr is about, and why its celebration has nothing to do with 9/11, despite the overlap in dates this year. If anyone is mistaken about why Muslims are celebrating, maybe it's our fault for not explaining ourselves in advance--and that's all I'm trying to do.

I'd like for this to be distributed and widely read--any recommendations for edits would be greatly appreciated in the comments section or by email. Thanks!

Celebrating Eid and Ramadan

In about 10 days inshaaAllaah I'll be giving a talk at a Ramadan workshop for new Muslims about celebrating Ramadan and Eid. I'm thinking it's probably the easiest part of the worskhop--other speakers will be talking about the virtues of Ramadan, the fiqh of Ramadan, and making the most of the spiritual blessings of Ramadan, topics that are deeper and carry much more weight in Ramadan discussions. But I get to tackle the little afterthought--it seems that way after 30 days of fasting and worship--called Eid. So I can't really treat it like an afterthought, can I?

Looking back through some old blogs I saw that when talking about Ramadan and Eid, some people commented that they didn't really know how to celebrate Eid, and despite having been Muslim for a while had never actually been to an Eid prayer or celebration. Thinking back on my own experience now, I realize that I was tremendously helped by other sisters who reached out to me and invited me (or drug me along) to various activities and gatherings. In fact, not only on Eid but throughout Ramadan I was able to experience a new level of sisterhood than I had previously.

So I think that I will spend some time talking about the Eid prayer in such a way that attendees feel encouraged to attend the Eid prayer. And then to talk about socialization to prepare them to actually celebrate the day of Eid instead of letting it pass by as a footnote.

Some suggestions I've heard are to mention a gift to neighbors or friends, like an "iftar bowl," a a festive, decorative bowl or box full of dates or fruits with which people can break their fast, but also including the du'a for breaking the fast prominently displayed. Another suggestion about "eid baskets," giving gifts to friends and family--several gifts grouped together in baskets for each individual.

Any other ideas?

Finishing the Qur'an

A few weeks ago I met a sister who was planning to finish memorizing the Qur'an by the end of this year. I was at a halaqah where I was supposed to be "teaching," though I didn't feel like I had much to teach while she was there. She was about the same age as me, and didn't really know anyone else at the halaqah, and I don't know anyone there knew what kind of person was sitting among them.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for sisters who have memorized the Qur'an, and the magnitude of the endeavor. Over the past few years I have tried to memorize the Qur'an, little by little. I was embarrassed to spend time around my peers knowing only a handful of surahs from the end of the Qur'an. I heard Yasir Qadhi say about applicants to IlmSummit that the amount of Qur'an memorized was a factor in admission, and being a hafidh was ideal. After learning to read Arabic and studying tajweed, memorization became a bit easier, but I still wasn't really headed towards becoming a hafidhah or anything, and didn't even have one whole (or even half) juz in my head. I was just trying to learn about as much Qur'an as kids learn in Sunday school. And that's not exactly the same level as "serious" students of knowledge, even though I considered myself as serious as the rest. I've just gotten a late start and have to make up a few (like 20) years.

I still know about that much Qur'an, but for now my focus has changed. On applying to Bayyinah, while taking a reading/tajweed test, the sister I was speaking to suggested that I start reading the Qur'an in Arabic more frequently. She suggested I start with about half a page a day, and work up to two pages a day and just read every day.

So I started doing that, making gradual progress and trying to read a page or two daily. But on my recent trip back to North Carolina to visit my family, with plenty of time spent on planes and in airports, my reading of the Qur'an improved tremendously, just by reading it much more, and more often. When I left, I was still reading Surat al-Baqarah, and now alhamdulillah I'm reading Surat al-Ma'idah. Perspective? I had been reading Surat al-Baqarah since April.

And then I got this crazy idea that I would try to keep reading more, and try to have completed it by the end of Ramadan. I'm still not reading very quickly, and unfortunately I don't understand much, but I can tell that my reading has improved--speed and accuracy. Now that we're into the month of Sha'ban, I don't have much time to get there, but I think I'm going to at least try.

So for now I've stopped memorizing to focus on reading. And as I said, it is making a difference.

When I first came to Seattle, I talked to some other convert sisters about this particular struggle, reading Qur'an with enough proficiency to be able to read on a regular basis. For instance, there is a hadith about reading Surat al-Kahf on Fridays--but imagine if it took you from the time of jumu'ah until maghrib to finish it? That is, if you could commit yourself to sit there and struggle through the pages for that long.

And at the time, it bothered me that even though I was memorizing short chapters I still couldn't sit down and read something like Surat al-Kahf on Fridays, or Surah Ya-Seen in the morning, or Surat al-Mulk after 'isha. And I don't think I'm there yet still, but I am getting closer. Although, for now all my reading time is pretty much devoted to getting through the Qur'an the first time.

Even though now I'm reading it with understanding, I can't help but appreciate that I'm forming a habit that will continue through my study of Arabic. And once I have learned enough Arabic to understand it inshaaAllaah, I hope that the meaning will unfold as I continue to read it, over and over and over.

I have heard that the Companions used to finish reading the Qur'an in a week--though now we might finish it only once in a year at Ramadan, or less than that. And although I've read a translation completely, I don't think it's quite the same as reading the Arabic. So here I am publicizing my goal--to finish reading the Qur'an for the first (but hopefully not last) time. And then, to maintain a habit of reading the Qur'an daily, and eventually to memorize it in entirety.

Ramadan Over-Planning

I just found out that on the same day I offered to help teach in a Ramadan workshop for new Muslims, there's an even better Ramadan seminar going on in another part of town. There's a very small bit of overlap, so I might go from one event to the next--should I suggest everyone do the same, I wonder, if they come to the first?

There's a big difference, I think, in the quality of a presentation offered by a da'ee, versus that by a shaykh. I hate to see Muslims having to compete with each other when events are offered at the same time (although this kind of seems to be directed to different groups of Muslims.) But it's one side effect of a larger community.

This Ramadan will be my first in Washington and I'm still learning about how things work here. There will be some different challenges here than I had in Raleigh--being further north, maghrib times comes much later, and so does isha, while fajr comes earlier, making taraweeh an even harder sacrifice. But I won't be working or in school this year so I should be able to be more flexible. (Sleeping during the day, for instance.)

Last year I saw one of my friends offering a weekly iftar for a group of convert sisters which seemed to me to benefit all of them. So I'm hoping to do something similar this year, here in Washington, by hosting a weekly iftar for ladies, especially new Muslims, and offering a short lesson before maghrib. Since in the Compass class I'm teaching we've covered salah, I thought it would help to review four different surahs, one each week, to explain the meaning and work on memorizing. So inshaaAllaah we'll do Al-Fatihah, mostly as review, then Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq, and An-Naas from the end of the Qur'an.

But again, I hope that my little iftar won't conflict with other events (iftars) that the sisters might like to attend, but there's only so much I can do. For me, visiting people for iftar in my first Ramadan was one of the best parts--I met so many new sisters and it really helped to increase my iman. Now that I have a place with my husband (who is totally supportive of my idea), I'd like to host other people and help make this Ramadan good for them, and a means towards an increase in iman and taqwa.

A moment of sisterhood

I was at the grocery store today and passed by a mother and daughter both wearing hijab. Even though we have never seen each other before, we greeted each other with a smile and the Islamic greeting "As-salaamu alaykum." The same thing happened yesterday at the gym--I saw another girl running on a treadmill while wearing hijab, and on my way out of the gym I passed her and greeted her--and she smiled to return the greeting as well.

We Muslim women can greet each other even though we don't know each other because we know that we are all Muslims, and admit it to the world by our choice of clothing. Even though we speak different languages, come from different countries, and our lives only overlap for that brief moment, we can still share a moment of sisterhood fostered by a simple greeting: peace be upon you.

Isn't it beautiful how we are connected, and how the connection can manifest even though we don't know each other?

Moving to Eat Zabihah

Since I became a Muslim, I followed a fairly lenient approach towards eating meat. While zabihah (properly slaughtered according to Islam) meat was available, I never purchased any at the meat market, and didn't make a particular effort to abstain from non-zabihah options, as long as I knew there was no pork or alcohol contained or served with it. But since my husband has always eaten zabihah meat exclusively, even since moving to the USA from Pakistan, we agreed before marriage that we would only have zabihah meat in the house.

And so my transition to eating zabihah has been relatively simple. I haven't decided to wholly exclude non-zabihah meat from my diet, but since I almost always eat at home, and when we go out there are almost always zabihah options, the occasion when I don't eat zabihah is pretty rare.

Since I have been on a high protein diet of sorts for several months now, you might think that choosing zabihah might have been harder--since I actually eat quite a lot of meat. But alhamdulillah, it has been incredibly simple.

Partly this is because my husband and I have a tacit grocery arrangement--usually I will buy all the other groceries and he will buy the meat for me. I've not yet gone to the halal meat shop (I should soon, to feel comfortable going there) but my husband has been able to find for me any cut of meat I wanted, ground beef and chicken, plenty of boneless skinless chicken breasts, and even halal turkey bacon. And as long as my husband takes care of the meat, making sure I've got whatever I need, I haven't felt the need to make any major dietary changes by switching to zabihah meat.

Also, I love seafood in general so it's not a problem for me to enjoy seafood entrées at restaurants if zabihah is not available--although my husband and I usually, if we do eat at a restaurant, opt for halal shops run by Muslims.

One of the few exceptions is when we eat on the road, and "fast food" is the only option. Because of the diet, it's important for me to have lean proteins, but if we pass a McDonald's or Burger King, the only fish on the menu is a fried filet. And while my husband will take that option, I find it healthier to order grilled chicken. Though I do usually pack snacks and meals for when we are on the road to avoid this occurrence most of the time.

Since the vast majority of my meals (I'd say all but one or two in a month) are zabihah, I feel like it would be relatively simple to decide to entirely restrict my diet, but I haven't done so. It has felt like a healthy and easy transition at this point, rather than an unforgiving change I might give up. Certainly, everything I cook and prepare at home is zabihah, and I know now that sticking to zabihah can be relatively easy (at least, as long as you live in a place with plenty of Muslims who demand zabihah and halal options.)

So rather than ever suggesting that someone make an immediate change in this regard, I'd say take it easy, and get there gradually. It can be easy.

Compass: A Guide For New Muslims

After finding and choosing Islam, many new Muslims are left with a community ill-equipped to help them fully embrace their new faith. Instructions following their shahadah might include tips on where to buy halal meat, or how to tie a hijab, which to the giver might seem like practical advice.

But stepping into the world of Islam can be overwhelming, with questions arising at every turn. These questions--from simple things like how to pray, to more complex issues about marriage and Islamic law--need answers, and explanations. To a new Muslim, even a simple khutbah (Friday sermon) might be misunderstood without the ability to recognize common Arabic words. Imagine someone mistaking "Rasoolullah" for "Allah," and the implications of that mistake.

Some communities of Muslims might have ongoing organized programs to accommodate new Muslims, by educating them in the religion and providing social resources, while others might have a loose social network that new Muslims might find shy to penetrate. When I was a new Muslim, I really wanted to be able to learn as much about the religion as I could--scattered bits of information were difficult to put together. I've seen other converts struggle with similar problems, and without having access to a basic guide about Islam to launch them towards their goals, and prepare them for the challenges they might face as a Muslim.

So I've given thought to the idea of classes specifically for new Muslims, or at least geared primarily towards new Muslims, and am hoping to implement one such class here locally in the coming months. I have some other ideas about providing resources for new Muslims, particularly in conjunction with the planned class--including a blog devoted to the project, podcasts, and maybe even a mobile app. Right now the project, which is going to be called Compass (logo above), is just getting started. But for now and in the future, helpful ideas and guidance from others who are approaching similar issues will be invaluable.

I have high hopes for this project--that inshaaAllaah it can continuously benefit new Muslims across the country, available as a resource and a path to help them understand and implement Islam.

Blogging Troubles

See, now you all realize why I've wanted to overhaul my blog--random things start to malfunction. For instance, the banner. You might have noticed, if you had visited in the last few days, that the banner image disappeared. So I replaced it with a picture from my honeymoon, but as I don't have any image editing software (other than paint) there's not much else I can do.

I'd like to post more, but now I'm getting embarrassed to put anything up with the way my blog is looking. So inshaaAllaah I'm going to go all in and get a very nice blog with my own domain and everything. So keep your eyes peeled for that inshaaAllah.

In the meantime I'm just trying to find my way around Bellevue.

ETA: Now I have picasa, but it didn't really do me much good. At least now there's a title up there with the image.

Spicy Spaghetti

Now that I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable in my new Bellevue apartment with my husband, I'm trying to cook occasionally. My husband is actually quite a good cook and took it upon himself to prepare meals for our first few weeks together. I appreciated it, since upon arriving in Bellevue I was frustrated and disinterested and not really up to household duties.

But now I'm starting to share the workload. I just realized that I need to get a head start on dinner if I want to have a hope of cooking anything before he gets to working in the kitchen when he gets home. So tonight when he told me he'd be home around 8:30pm I was prepared. Since he had plenty of spaghetti noodles and a few jars of tomato sauce, whipping up dinner was relatively easy. But since I didn't have any meat to put in the sauce (hadn't had any picked up from the halal meat shop yet) I wanted to make it a little more interesting than just tomatoes (though I did add some extra tomatoes.) So I decided to add some oregano (I normally do), and some garlic powder (why not?) and some crushed red pepper (hey, husband likes spices!) and even some ground red pepper as well.

I let it simmer on the stove while I went to the masjid to pray. One nice thing about this apartment is its proximity to the masjid--a 5-10 minute walk. So I prepared myself and made wudu, and left the house about 6:50. But as I approached the masjid, I realized that the salah was not at 7pm, like I had mistakenly thought, but actually at 7:30.

Now, I haven't been able to find a table of iqamah times listed for this masjid, which is why I keep getting confused. I think it's something like fajr at 6:45am, dhuhr at 12:30, asr at 3pm, maghrib at 4:30, and isha at 7:30. But for some reason I just can't keep it straight. So I arrived at the masjid, prayed isha by myself and then left. While I didn't mind leaving the stove on for 30 minutes or so, leaving it on for an hour made me nervous. I do like being able to walk to the masjid, though. And since it hasn't been raining lately, it's been especially easy. Last Friday I walked to jumu'ah, happy to not have to worry about parking in an already cramped masjid parking lot. This way, someone else could utilize the space. Plus it's more environmentally friendly (they're all about that up here!) and healthier for me as well, since I get a bit of exercise.

Around 8pm I started boiling water for the pasta, and tossed it in after about 10 minutes. Unfortunately my husband was a little late (and I was very hungry) so I started without him but once he got home he was quick to eat everything left. And what made me most happy of all was that he really loved the spaghetti. First I had him put a lot more sauce on it than he was used to. So even though he had cooked spaghetti himself before, he assured me he liked mine better--though not because of the spices, just because it wasn't "dry."

A few days ago some sisters told me that it was satisfying to cook for one's husband but I was skeptical. I'm far from becoming some kind of foodie or gourmet chef but it's nice to have my own home, and someone who likes my cooking.

Welcome to Washington

On Tuesday, December 15th, 2009, I entered Washington state for the first time. And I've been here since then. It was actually very late, and dark, so I couldn't see much other than the road. Since my husband had been driving for most of that day along a very rainy Oregon coast and was too tired to keep going, but yet insisted on making it the rest of the way, I drove from the southern areas of the state along I-5 northwards until we got to Bellevue.

The only thing I could really notice about the state, which I'd noticed in Oregon as well (and maybe even in northern California) was the roads. First, the use of these round bumps in place of white paint to mark lane divisions. Easier to see in the rain and dark, even with glare from streetlights, and also a way to make you feel if you've crossed into another lane accidentally. And second, that Washington highway shields are a very funny shape. At first I thought it was a bush--and from far away it kind of looks that way--until I realized it was actually a silhouette of President Washington's profile! See how the little things amuse me! Of all the states we traveled through, this was definitely the most interesting. Most states will use circles, diamonds, squares, or even the shape of the state. But I've got to say that Washington takes the cake on this.

The first thing we did in on Wednesday after breakfast was to go pick out furniture for our new apartment. My husband had heard good reviews about Mor Furniture in Kent so that's where we went, and were pleased enough with the selection to buy a dining room table with chairs, a sofa and ottomans, and some mattresses. These items were delivered the same day. We also bought a recliner, however, but that item was back-ordered and hasn't yet come in.

Our next step was to purchase some essentials for the apartment--silverware, and cookware, for instance, but also bed linens and towels. But after a lot of time shopping at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond, we were mostly set for the first day. I had to make many subsequent trips to both stores, plus a stop at a Wal-mart and a Pier 1 Imports, before becoming mostly satisfied with the apartment. I have some more things being shipped from home which should arrive next week, and today we finally ordered the tableware that I really wanted, so it should soon be on its way.

Since arriving we've been able to dine with a few different families in the area, and it's been nice to meet some other sisters. So far everyone I've met has a connection with Microsoft--usually that their husbands work there, and that's how we are connected. Microsoft seems to import its employees from all over the world, allowing for a tremendous amount of diversity in this area.

The last few days have also had unseasonably (I'm told) excellent weather, with plenty of sunshine (during the mere 8 hours that the sun is actually above the horizon), despite being more on the chilly side. One plus side to a short day, on the other hand, is that it's very easy to fast. This Sunday was Ashura--the 10th day of the first month of the Islamic calendar, a day Muslims are recommended to fast in order to remember Moses, and the liberation of the Jews from Egyptian slavery. It's recommended for Muslims to fast two days, either Ashura and the previous or following day. And with a fast lasting from 6am (the start time of fajr) until 4:30pm (maghrib), it's hard to complain. Although the summer is surely going to be a completely different story.

Although there are many things I miss about Raleigh (I'm sure to elaborate on these in subsequent posts) there are some things about Bellevue which just can't be beat, like the view of the mountains on a clear day, or a Starbucks in every nook and cranny. And it's time now to make it my home.

Thirty-Two Hours and Counting...

With my wedding already three weeks past, then Thanksgiving, Eid, and my brother's wedding also past, my heart has only one focus: my husband.

And he'll be here, in less than thirty-two hours inshaaAllaah. And then I'll have to say good-bye to my family and friends here in Raleigh. So in one sense it is bittersweet, but I fully intend to visit often and so the prospect of moving in with my husband, moving all the way across the country to Seattle with him, is more sweet than bitter.

Tonight I had one last little party with my friends before I'll be leaving inshaaAllaah, and it was so good to see everyone. After my brother's wedding (it was Saturday) I was able to say good-bye to him and to my new sister-in-law (the photo is her by the way, after she changed shoes...) and also to my sister and brother-in-law who will be leaving for the same cruise as the newlyweds. My other sister still doesn't speak to me but I gave a warm good-bye to my nieces and nephews.

InshaaAllaah, husband and I will be meeting with my parents for lunch on Tuesday before we head out, which makes everyone happy alhamdulillah. I was worried that we would need to leave right away (leaving on Tuesday already puts us slightly behind my previously planned schedule) but my dad gets off work at 2pm, and was really bummed he wouldn't be able to see us off. He loves my husband (alhamdulillah for that!) and my husband is looking forward to seeing my parents as well. So it's good all around.

But in the next day or so, I have pages of tasks crowding my to-do list, high-priority items that must be done before I leave. (So naturally I am blogging to further procrastinate.)

Please stay tuned to the blog, inshaaAllaah I'll be posting pictures and updates along the way. And who knows? Some pictures of me might actually end up on here too. :-)

Let Them Eat Cake

(Post to be updated in the future inshaaAllaah with pictures of the actual cakes.)

I've been holding off on some wedding posts since I'd like to include pictures but I'm afraid if I wait much longer that I'll forget to write at all! InshaaAllaah the pictures will come soon--I know I've got two great but incredibly busy friends working on the project.

Last night at dinner a friend asked me about any "craziness" that happened at my wedding. And the first thing that came to my mind was the wedding cake. Since my brother's fiancee has been learning cake decorating so she and her dad can make her own wedding cake, she's been looking to practice on other people's cakes. But I'd seen a previous cake and she did a fabulous job and was excited that she offered to do mine as well, so I readily took her up on the offer.

And she absolutely did a fabulous job. The cake was beautiful, and tasted just superb. Unfortunately it had a little bit of a rough ride to the reception and got a little messed up, frazzling my dear soon-to-be sister-in-law who felt compelled to present perfection. I had organized the tables in the room so that the cake (which I knew would be lovely) would be a centerpiece among all the other trays of food--so in addition to being food, it would also be decor. (And yes, some guests even thought the cake was from Edible Art!)

But the really funny part was that about an hour before the wedding I got a phone call from one of my guests, telling me that despite the late notice, she would be bringing a wedding cake! Really I had no idea what to expect, or what to say. These cakes take days to prepare so I couldn't very well turn her down an hour beforehand when she was presenting it as a gift and only right before the wedding.

So when I arrived at the wedding reception, there were two cakes. Surprise! And the second cake was a full wedding cake as well, set up on an adjacent table looking oddly out of place. A groom's cake? Hehe, perhaps. What confused me is that the guest who brought the cake expected my husband and I to actually cut her cake as well (we had engaged in a typical American cake-cutting photo-op) which to me felt supremely odd. So I didn't do it.

But since the first was so delicious (some guests informed me that they found themselves eating several pieces) it was handy to have a second cake. One of the brothers actually asked me if he could go ahead and cut the second cake--because the first one had vanished before everyone had tried a piece!

So in the end it worked out, but how awkward to have a second surprise wedding cake. A nice gift, to be sure, but one which should be announced beforehand. And a word to the wise about wedding cakes--fondant may be easy to decorate with but truly guests will appreciate the taste of home-made buttercream.

The Wedding

Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!

On November 7th, 2009, Umer and I were married at the Islamic Center of Raleigh. Alhamdulillah! My husband (yay!) kept asking me to write about the wedding but I put it off until he left--he'll come back and get me for our honeymoon in a few weeks inshaaAllaah. I've got so much I want to write about now, especially about the preparations and what it was like for me. But for now I'll try to describe the events for anyone who wasn't able to come.

I spent the last week wrapping up the "last minute" preparations, with my fiance coming in on Thursday evening. On Friday morning, his sister and brother-in-law flew in with his nephews, and after jumu'ah I went home to make some more punch and get ready for my bachelorette party. Umer's sister put some henna on my hands and then we went to the party, hosted by a great friend of mine and her mom, who is also a friend.

Saturday was the wedding day. We had the nikah after dhuhr prayer at the masjid. Actually dhuhr prayer was at 1:35 but I wanted to make sure there was time to set up the room for my guests (we had it in a conference room instead of the musallah). Unfortunately, some of my preparation cost me a little more time than I'd budgeted and I got to the masjid at about 2:30. My family arrived with me, and my friends met me at the door--some taking pictures.

I sat at a long table facing the guests. The man conducting the ceremony, who also acted as my wali (as my family is not Muslim) sat behind the center of the table, and my groom sat on the far end. This was not the imam, a man whom I dearly love, only because he was at a conference for the weekend. He suggested another member of the community, and that was who performed the ceremony. I was asked initially for my consent, which I gave, with confirmation that terms and mahr had been agreed upon. And then the officiant proceeded to deliver the wedding sermon and supplication (du'a) in Arabic and then in English. Then the state marriage certificate was signed by the brother acting as officiant and two witnesses--husband's brother-in-law and a local friend.

That was the nikah, after which the guests came up to me to offer their congratulations. At about 5 til 3 I left the room, and the guests and everyone went then to the reception site. My new husband and I rode to the reception site, and met my friends taking pictures in the hallway. Basically the reception, more an American custom I think than an Islamic one, was an opportunity for us to greet people after the wedding and to share some snacks with them. It wasn't an all-out wedding feast but people seemed to think it was pretty nice. We had hors d'oeuvres, punch, and wedding cake.

It started at 3 and we arrived a little bit after that, with some guests arriving even later. The time for asr prayer came in at about 3:45 so we stopped the reception at 4pm for the salah. After that we cut the cake. My brother's fiancee made the cake for us--and she did a great job. Umer and I cut a small piece and fed each other small pieces from that. Then we let someone else cut the cake and serve portions. I tried to make rounds and greet everyone who came to the wedding to see me.

We wrapped up at around 5pm, had some more pictures taken while my friends (thank you all! jazakumallahu khayran!) and family helped to clean up. I have so much more to write about, inshaaAllaah there will be more to come.

My American Wedding Dress

This weekend I took my wedding dress to a local seamstress for final alterations, cleaning, and pressing, so it will be picture perfect come Saturday. I don't feel comfortable posting picture of the dress (for obvious reasons, right?) but I don't mind describing it.

Though I and my intended are Muslim, and though he is from Pakistan, I still wish to incorporate some "American" traditions into the wedding so long as they do not violate the restrictions of Islam. That is from my understanding that it's acceptable to do so. After all, as Islam has traveled the world it has taken on the customs of each various locale--adopting those permissible customs of the people.

And many people have asked me about my wedding attire--my wedding dress. And so I will say that it is a traditional (American) white gown. Although, technically it's actually ivory. It has lace, and beading, and all sorts of beautiful details. Since it has a halter top instead of full sleeves, I intend to pair it with a matching ivory satin jacket and, when in public, a beige headscarf as well.

I didn't choose my gown to disrespect my fiance--in fact I truly hope to dress in a more Pakistani style for our walima in Pakistan. I'm looking forward to that, but since we are having the nikah here where my family is I thought it worthwhile to incorporate some of my own local traditions.

And those traditions don't really stop with the dress. Planning the wedding has been a tedious balancing act between family traditions and Islam. Many of those family customs are based in superstition, and others in a religion which I do not follow--and it is those which I will avoid inshaAllaah. But what I hope for observers to really see from the wedding here in Raleigh is that while it is fully Islamic, it isn't simultaneously foreign.

And even though my initial wish about a wedding was that it be very simple and quick has not come to fruition, what I have been planning is an inclusive affair with diverse attendees--all of whom I want present on my happy day. I've gone to (what seem to me to be) great lengths to normalize the wedding as much as possible according to American customs--especially for my family, who are not Muslim and do not understand much at all of what will transpire. So I will include some things that not every Muslim girl in my position might, and some things which might not be at all necessary. Like my American wedding dress--it shows a part of my life and though small and seemingly inconsequential, a part of who I am.

Disappointment

I was pretty disappointed with myself today. I wanted to talk to my Sunday Schoolers about Halloween, and I wound up doing exactly the thing I wanted to avoid--telling them things are "haraam."

I guess what I want to do with the class is convince them about the superiority of Islam, and its applicability to their lives. I thought I could do it today, when talking about Halloween, but now I think now. May Allah help those girls--increase them in faith and ease their difficulties.

Just a Muslim

When I first started learning about Islam, the concept of Shi'a Islam vs. Sunni Islam was just overwhelming. I was coming to Islam from a completely different religion--Christianity--and already had a lot of different things to learn, but trying to decipher the Sunni-Shi'a split was beyond me.

I knew I wasn't Shi'a, but I didn't really know what Sunni was so I was "just a Muslim." And after spending this Eid with some recently converted Muslims, the idea of being "just a Muslim" was brought again to my mind.

For some time I have considered myself to be "Sunni," but only upon discovering what the term actually meant. Personally, my exposure to Islam (before converting) was pretty much exclusively to Sunni Islam, which is for all intents and purposes "Orthodox" Islam. That's not everyone's experience--some people come to Islam through Shi'a Muslims, and might get very confused by the different experiences between Sunni and Shi'a. Something such as the prayer, which can be confusing even if a person is only seeing one viewpoint, can be drastically complicated with exposure to Shi'a customs as well.

I don't think there's any problem with Muslims converted to Islam and saying "I'm just a Muslim" to avoid Shi'a/Sunni confusion. But I do hope that they learn that Sunni Muslims are "just Muslim" too. It might even be simpler to just say that they are only "Sunni" to clarify that they are not Shi'a, without forgetting that "Sunni" Muslims account for the immensely vast majority of Muslims worldwide.

It may be that avoiding confusion entirely isn't wholly feasible, but simplification should undoubtedly improve understanding. I'm a "Sunni" Muslim because I'm "just a Muslim" too, a follower of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and one part of the body of Muslims who also do so.

Officially a Graduate!

Although I've told plenty of people before now, I was holding off on my announcement until I received written confirmation, the evidence to back up my claim.

I graduated! And the proof? I received my diploma in the mail today! Exciting, huh?

It took me an insanely long time to complete my degree (electrical engineering) due to a change of majors and drastic change in priorities and outlook, plus having to work to support myself. But alhamdulillah! While I'm not the first in my immediate family to obtain a degree (both my sisters have a bachelor's,) I am the first to receive it from the same institution at which I originally enrolled, and without ever dropping out. And I do consider that to be something of an accomplishment, small though it may be. And believe it or not, I also finished mine in the least amount of time.

And now I am ready to look toward the future, but I'm faced with other people's expectations. First, they assume that the moment I graduated I was suddenly employed. This isn't exactly the greatest economy, and there is an abundance of qualified individuals ready for companies to hire, rather than newly grads like me. Also, I have for some time decided that I will not pursue a career in electrical engineering.

I spent a full four years working for and with electrical engineers, engaged in the same sort of work as they, but I didn't find it to be at all fulfilling. When I selected engineering, (and I picked aerospace engineering, actually, instead of electrical) it was because I loved science fiction. The idea of developing technologies, and especially all concepts of space travel, particularly intrigued me. One of my all-time favorite experiences was piloting a small aircraft. When I switched into electrical from aerospace, the engineering became more to do with computers, video games, cell phones, power grids, and health/fitness testing. And it really lost interest for me at that point. I appreciate the skills I acquired in studying engineering, and I definitely enjoy math and physics still, so I am looking now towards the idea of teaching.

However, as I am going to be getting married in less than two months, and since I'll be moving across the country, it doesn't seem very practical to even try to either find a job in engineering or invest in teaching certification while I'm still here. Of course, I think it would be worthwhile to do something, at least.

But for the moment, my main priorities are maintaining some practices from Ramadan, improving my health and fitness, and planning my wedding. And I'm pretty excited about all these things. Graduating is just one more accomplishment I can write down as achieved in 2009.

Fit Muslimah Wannabe

Did anyone see this article in the New York Times? Exercise Tailored to a Hijab. It was reprinted in the 'Life' section of the N&O on Thursday, I think. Since I don't subscribe to the N&O, I wasn't aware until someone mentioned it at my monthly Faith Club meeting. Two other members who do subscribe informed me about it (saying that there had been articles "every other day" about Muslims lately.) One even showed me the article, which you can see. It even had the same picture, with the two ladies stretching while wearing hijab.

My mom even brought a copy of the paper home for me to read (she gets copies at work sometimes.) It's an interesting article, I think--I don't see any particular bias for or against Muslims, which was kind of nice to read. Maybe someone else reading had a different impression. As yet, I'm still way behind on my Google Reader (thanks to not reading anything in Ramadan) so I haven't read what anyone else might have commented on regarding the article. Reading it myself I felt like saying "Huh. I could've told you that..." but that's just me.

Mostly the article talked about special considerations that Muslim women who cover (in hijab) have to make in order to exercise. Obesity is not a problem absent, unfortunately, from Muslim communities, but still, exercise isn't emphasized more by Muslims than any other religious group, at least here in the United States.

I have a thought that in general, society (Muslim and otherwise) views religion as dealing with their spiritual life, and fitness to be a part of their non-spiritual life. For Muslims, however, this shouldn't be the case, since we know that Islam encompasses all aspects of life (therefore, why not our health?) and because physical and spiritual aspects are frequently intertwined in a single act. Take ritual purification as an example, where the individual washes himself in such a way to promote good hygiene (physical) but yet as an essential part of a religious obligation (e.g., preparing for prayer.)

Similarly, promoting health and fitness (or failing to do so) can impact a person's spiritual life. There are, for instance, some Muslim brothers and sisters who have tremendous difficulty praying their daily obligation just because of their weight. They might be forced to sit during the qiyyam (especially during taraweeh), or have to sit during ruku' and sujood because they would not be able to lift themselves from the floor. That is an extreme case, but also consider how carrying excess weight can cause a person's bones and joints to fail at a young age, which would also require special accommodations during prayer, or at the very least make it uncomfortable, perhaps even painful to perform prayer.

And if it's painful, that makes it harder to maintain the obligation, and even harder to add in extra salawat. Now of course our deen allows accommodations to people who have medical difficulties (whether related to weight or not,) and it is a beautiful mercy from Allah. But to know that some of these problems can be avoided or at least delayed by just eating right and exercising should be an encouragement for us, from our religion.

So upon deciding to engage in a healthy lifestyle, a brother or sister must still consider religious obligations. For women, a exercise outdoors or even in a public gym open to men and women provides a problem. Exercise is easiest in light, formfitting clothing, which isn't exactly appropriate for a Muslim woman. For men, especially in exercise environments (like parks and gyms,) there might an abundance of women who are dressed in form-fitting clothes that don't cover much at all--and if they do, leave little to the imagination.

I would love to see more women's-only gyms, or gyms with accommodations for women to exercise in private. There is (was) a gym in downtown Raleigh (although the company recently went under) that had a women's-only room. I would have preferred to exercise there but it was too far from my home for it to be logistically feasible. The article in the paper mentioned a women's-only gym which it said had more Orthodox Jewish women. I think that's important because women wanting to exercise in privacy is not something unique to Islam. Women of many faiths value modesty.

I have at times seen other women in hijab at the gym. Frankly, it's not the easiest thing to do. For covering the arms and legs, it means pants and a long-sleeve shirt or a jacket. Honestly, it is cumbersome to do this. After an hour of a hard workout knit fabrics can be soaked through (for heavy sweaters,) and can feel heavy or cumbersome when doing exercises. Wearing a hijab is similarly troublesome. It's just extra fabric where sweat accumulates and prevents some heat from escaping the body. It's not comfortable, and for my own part I would prefer not to wear one, even though I do the best I can with a cotton slip-on, which is probably the best option to go with for working out. I've seen other sisters wearing extremely loose t-shirts (which can work if you're very small and can buy several sizes above what "fits"), and also wearing a sort of exercise dress. For that, the sister had a dress which was long sleeved and extended past her knees, made out of a light fabric, which she wore with some variety of track pants underneath, with a slip-on hijab. It was less form-fitting than other options. While I don't mind wearing hijab on a normal day, even outside on a warm day, wearing it while exercising is annoying, but for me it seems one of the only real options available to me right now. So I hope, truly, that a gym for women lurks somewhere in my near future--it would beat exercising in sweats, for sure.

The Wedding Dress

I brought it home today: ivory A-line with lace and beading, and a "champagne" colored ribbon. I tried it on, too, once I got home, complete with crinoline skirt-slip and corset, very fun. I was afraid it'd be a little too big but in fact it was quite snug. I have a matching bolero jacket and scarf to wear with it.

A "wedding dress" isn't a typical component of Muslim weddings, as far as I can tell. It's more an American tradition, although I know it's fairly popular all over the world. When trying to do research on Muslim weddings, I've discovered that they are largely influenced by the predominant culture of the land, and can vary extensively by region.

So what I decided I want to do is include all the essential and proper components of an Islamic marriage, and adhere to proper Islamic etiquette, while incorporating some additional American customs. Because Islam is flexible enough to accommodate a variety of cultures, I thought that incorporating different traditions (so long as they don't actually conflict with Islam) would be a fun and exciting way to conduct the marriage.

My fiance is from Pakistan, so it would make sense to include some customs from Pakistani weddings, but since we will inshaaAllaah be having a walima among his friends in Washington, and again in Pakistan (I can't even describe how excited I am about that!), I am going to plan the events here in Raleigh to have a more American feel. Hopefully this will make my family and any other non-Muslims guests feel comfortable (and inshaaAllaah receptive to da'wah), and it should also be fun for me.

And a pretty white wedding dress is one of the "American" customs I would like to incorporate in my wedding. So I've got one now! Some of you might know the thought and deliberation I put into getting the dress, but I have it now alhamdulillah and am quite happy with it.