Where I am vs. where I wanna be

So still there is back pain. I thought it had eased up a little, but yesterday was awful. Last night (after already taking two more Tylenol "extra strength" making 6 for the day) I was trying to do the dishes, fold my laundry... and everything hurt. Standing, moving, reaching, lifting. But nevertheless I'm getting the impression I should really go to the doctor if this keeps up... so I really hope it doesn't. I slept on the heating pad and this morning was much better. So I took two more and then it was okay. And I'm about to take... two more since it's been about 6 hours... or maybe 5.

So anyway, this weekend was nice--exhausting, but nice. I had the privilege to listen to Sister Yvonne Ridley give several different speeches between Thursday and Sunday. She's giving another tonight that I'd love to attend, though it is unfortunately some distance away and I have a lot of homework to do tonight for Tuesday morning--which had been put off because I was so busy during the weekend. :D

That has given me plenty to write about, but I don't want to just repeat what someone else has said. Recently it occurred to me that my faith was not a priority in my life, though I can't say for how long that was the case. My objective now is to rearrange my priorities and focus instead on what I am doing for God instead of the reverse, or what I am doing for myself.

This weekend I realized the real importance of having women who are scholarly trained in Islam. I've talked about this some with others and it's an issue that has just recently moved right to the front of my head. Where are they? One da'wah recommendation is to have only women speakers answer questions about women in Islam. And really--I can't tell you how many times I've heard a man botch a simple answer to a problem some people have on the issue. Take for example, polygamy. Men are not allowed to have more than one wife just because they want to. So then, why do so many men when asked about this reply with such foolish suggestions? They ask, what if a woman can't fulfill a man's right this way or that way, or what if he wants this, or needs that, and she can't? As though marriage were only a means of supporting and enhancing a man's life. No matter how you spin it, that's a degrading and sexist opinion. It's bad enough that any Muslim man would think that way, but worse that this is how Islam is presented to the outside world. Now, you will find some women with a sort of inferiority complex (so I think) who will repeat the same garbage, as though men are entitled to whatever they want and women are not. Marriage is a far more complicated issue than that, and suggesting that polygamy is an answer to the desires of men alone is absolute foolishness--that is clearly the weakest support for it. So why give that answer? Do these men who reply such not know any better? Do they think they really are better or something? Sheesh.

Of course, even if they do give a good answer, the fact remains that a woman giving the answer will sound stronger. A woman talking about hijab carries far more weight than any man to do so. A woman talking about women's rights has a voice. A man to do so is more of the same--and to an audience unfamiliar with the topic they'll wonder--can he be trusted? Does he even know what it's like? He'll have a hard time gaining the sympathy of the audience, unfortunately. But we don't have enough women to talk about these issues. The ones who can talk aren't trained. The ones who are trained... they don't talk.

So now the obvious--I for one am tired of sitting in the background. Opportunities are there, volunteers are needed all over the place to help with this or that, but I want real Islamic training. I want to really know my faith and practice it. And I want to meet Allah swt saying I spent my life learning this deen, implementing it, and teaching it. And not to show off or be better than anyone but to actually improve myself, improve the state of the ummah and people's opinion of it. Ambitious? Perhaps. But for now, it starts with learning Arabic so that's where I'm starting--and to do whatever I can with the resources I currently have available.