They gave me a T-Shirt

On Thursday the MSA asked me one more time to give a speech about my conversion to Islam. They'd asked me twice while planning the event and I declined, feeling my story would be out of place. But when another group cancelled I decided to agree to speak this Sunday, 4 days later.

I mulled over what to say, how to say it. It would be the first time I would present my story to a large audience. I've told it before, definitely, but never in such a public venue. There's so much to say, I wondered what they would appreciate and enjoy. I avoided more personal issues like my family, the fights I got into over hijab (though I did mention both briefly). But I think I did okay. Several people came up afterwards telling me they enjoyed it, that it was good, that it made them cry (WHOOOPS! on my part, that's not the reactions I was going for!) But when I heard that from a few people I was confused at why and it was actually telling them about converting, the actual saying of shahadah.

Because I cried. Everyone I've seen cried. It's hard to be present and not cry, because it's such a moving experience for the person, what is happening at that moment and it just can't be denied. Even though I've acknowledged numerous times I wasn't ready to be Muslim when I converted, I can't ignore the experience that I had when I did.

I also tried at one point to relate the speech to the theme of the evening which was according to this t-shirt "This is your life on Islam." The idea that life can be hectic, confused, misguided, but with Islam it's straight. So I brought that up--everything fell into place when I started praying, when I started practicing my faith. I finally "got it." I said. My troubles didn't disappear but they are balanced with increased faith, increasing faith because I know that God will not leave me with something I cannot handle.