On being a Muslim woman

There was a magazine that had been sitting in the back seat of my car for a couple of months, that I happened to pull out a few weeks back and read while eating dinner one night. I prepared myself to be disappointed in this article, title "On being a Muslim woman," which is an excerpt from Winning the Modern World by Abdessalam Yassine.

Yes, that's a guy's name.

So why is a guy writing an article that's been titled "On being a Muslim woman?" I thought I could smell trouble... and the article was actually the opposite of what I thought, and I really found it to be a wonderful piece on today's society, with respect to women.

These bits below I found particularly powerful, but the essence of the article is that Islam is clear in protection of women and importance of family. However, the image seen in too many societies today he describes as "insignificant and oppressed creature.. stunted by illiteracy and weighted down by unjust macho traditions."

It is urgent to deliver the contemporary Muslim woman, fallen again, perhaps even lower than her pre-Islamic sister, and to draw her up from the abyss of injustice and negligence where she languishes. Our era is perhaps no more merciful toward women than one in which a depraved and inhumane father could cruelly bury his newborn infant if by misfortune it was found to be a girl! The misfortune of today's Muslim woman is twofold. She lives torn between the unfortunate situation in which local masculine injustice has placed her, and the Western model whose apparent freedom attracts her.

So there are two evils--the current state of women in the Muslim world, and the current state of women in the Western world! One limits her participation in society, the other limits her participation in family, so the author encourages that women learn about their rights in order claim them. He does not place the entire responsibility on Muslim governments, but calls it a "joint effort of men and women."

The feminine touch is more than a complement to masculine decisiveness: her delicate sensitivity and motherly love are irreplaceable, indeed decisive in the effort of change in order to bring about the "alternation of days." The decisive hand of an Islamic government can and should stop the hemorrhaging of a wounded society, but what other than feminine compassion can gently tend its physical and psychological wounds, soothing with healing balms the effects of so much suffering?

So anyway--I was pleasantly surprised. You can read the entire article here inshaAllah. I could only find it as a word doc, but this should be the cached html version.

Voices behind the veil

So I found it. The book my mom was reading about Islam.

Last night because I needed to do some shopping (stressing "needed") at Wal-mart, I decided to have dinner with my parents, and they weren't busy so we went to an Applebee's down in Fuquay-Varina. Yeaahhh... I got all the nasty looks, "what's one uh their kind doin' here?" but I met my parents at their house, not the restaraunt, since I had some mail to pick up and my mom hadn't gotten home yet. Before we left to go eat I prayed 'asr in one of the back bedrooms. And just glancing at the bookshelf after the salat I saw it... this book. My brother's girlfriend had discovered it a while ago and thought it prudent to inform me of the fact since she seemed to think it maybe wasn't the best book for her to read. And indeed not, at the time I tried to find it and more about it, but not being sure of the title I couldn't know definitely what she was reading.

Well, now I've found it, and this is it. Voices behind the veil. It's a collection of writings (should I say "stories?" for you Southerners who know that other meaning) from Christian women about Muslim women. Edited by Ergun Caner--a man for whom I have very little respect, as I've seen him provide false information to evangelical Christians in a number of his books, and who lacks a sufficient understanding of Islam to properly represent it to Christians in the first place. Being Muslim, and converting to Christianity in high school, does not make one an expert on Islam. Just like I wouldn't take as authority on Christianity the stories of Muslims who converted to Islam, not unless they've done serious research. I tend to think Mr. Caner has not done such, as he's made a number of very basic errors in some of his books.

But anyway, the book is not so much his writing as that of some women. To give you an idea of why it bothers me, I'm going to read off the Table of Contents. It's available on amazon on the "search inside" feature, but let me just quote it here to save the trouble.

1. Testimonies Behind the Veil - Former Muslim Women Share How they Found Christ
2. Khadijah's Cadre - The Wives of the Prophet Muhammad (saws-my addition)
3. Aishah's Daughters - Significant Women in the History of Islam
4. The Qur'an, the Hadith, and Women
5. The Essence of the Veil - The Veil as a Metaphor for Islamic Women
6. Islamic Practices in the Real World - Daily Life in Specific Islamic Countries
7. Cherished Commodity - Daughters in Islam
8. Protected Property - Wives in Islam
9. The Crescent and the Cradle - The Mother and Child in Islam
10. Working in Vain in the Impossible Task - Teaching the Worker to Weep
11. Praying for Islamic Women
12. Love Unveiled - Witnessing to Muslim Women with a Heart of Love

Each subtitle an insult. When are Muslimahs "Muslim women" and when are they "Islamic women?" I'm considering swiping this book from my mom's library for a little while to read it, and elaborate further on my complaints against it. Also, to prepare myself to defend any accusations I may hear later in life stemming from the portrayals of Muslim women on this book. Should I start with the references to women as non-human nouns? Sometimes subtle, sometimes not. Believe it or not, most Muslim men I know don't think of women as "objects" but rather as human beings with a tremendous amount of respect. Why? Because their mothers are women.

The purpose of the book is for Christian women specifically to acquire enough knowledge and prejudice against Islam and confidence in their own faith to, without any sort of academic scholarship present a case against Islam and for Christianity to Muslim women who are so (sarcasm on) horribly oppressed.(sarcasm off)

Here's an ambitious project... although I'm neither a writer nor scholar of Islam, passion is something I have, and a passion to clarify such nonsense as this book. Voices behind the veil should be voices of Muslim women. Wouldn't a great idea be to write another book with a similar title "Voices Behind the Veil - The World of Islam through the Eyes of Muslim Women" (the only change is the addition of the word Muslim) clarifying the many different roles of women in Islam. And starting off with convert stories! Who'd'athunk! But then the real admiration for the Sahabiyyat, the meaning of modesty and hijab, practices of Islam from the perspective of someone who actually practicies them (what a novel idea!), the role of a mother through the eyes of a mother, the role of a daughter through the eyes of a daughter, and the role of a wife through the eyes of a wife.

Who's with me?

It's a Small World After All...

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears.

It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears.

There's so much that we share

That it's time we're aware

It's a small world after all.

There is just one moon and one golden sun.

And a smile means friendship to everyone.

Though the mountains divide

And the oceans are wide

It's a small world after all.

I haven't been to Disney World in a long time. I went so many times as a kid, it seems, and once even to Disneyland in Paris. Sometimes it's nice to recall those childhood memories.

Gas prices

Why can't I answer my phone?

You would think that after about 3 weeks of getting a phone call everyday after maghrib, and still expecting a call every night after maghrib... that I'd keep my phone handy.

Nope.

Never fails. Phone rings, and I am not to be found. Twenty minutes later I start to wonder when the call is coming and find... it came, and I have voicemail. Now, voicemail is nice, but it would be nicer (I'm sure to the one on the other end!) if I could answer once in a while. It's amazing how these strange things happens.

Sometimes, I fall asleep. Yes, I don't always get enough sleep at night (although, alhamdulillah I'm able to get up on time now!) and occasionally take naps at 7pm--don't laugh. It usually starts with 'asr and a cozily warm bedroom, then snuggling into bed until after maghrib (prayer after sunset) which is now about 8pm. I think so far I've been able to wake up in time to make the salat(!!) but then I need to get on with things. Mind you, I fall asleep with my phone in my purse, and my purse in the living room (not bedroom) so I don't even hear the phone.

Sometimes, I leave it on vibrate by accident. And just miss it.

Sometimes I just don't hear it ring and it's not on vibrate and I'm not asleep. Mysterious! I've yet to figure that one out.

Sometimes I go to the mosque or a lecture last-minute and turn my phone off or don't answer. Or turn it on vibrate and then find the vibrating to be so loud, I open the phone (connect) then close it (disconnect.) This sends a mysterious message--did she answer? Should I call back? Huh? And then I try not to disturb the speaker while texting quick messages like "l8r" even though I said 8:45 would be fine the night before and now it's 9pm.

I wish I had some explanation for this morbidly embarassing behavior (when everytime I return the call I start with an apology...)

Is it spontaneity? Is it carelessness? I really wonder because I do hope to get married one day, and I'm worried that this little.. habit.. is going to get really annoying. Not for me so much... but him. I'm going to have to get used to telling people where I am and where I'm going I guess, but someone else is going to have to get used to delayed reception phone calls, or else staple my phone to my head so I can't lose it.

In the meantime, if anyone is calling me and wondering why I don't answer... it's nothing personal.

Bad behavior

This very moment I am reflecting on the immaturity of college boys. Why? Well I'm sitting in class and the professor is handing back tests from last week. The average is a 66.5. He hands them back at the beginning of class, and then a number of students just leave right afterwards. But he calls out each name, then walks around to pass them out. It takes about 15 minutes, but that's what he does. At the same time, there are a bunch of guys in the back just cracking up at whatever, talking on their mobile phones--loudly! It's pretty annoying--all while the professor is trying to yell out names so people can hear him. And then a lot of them just leave afterwards. How embarassing.

That's our society. That's college, I guess. No respect. I don't like it when people talk in class, I really don't. It makes it harder for everyone to concentrate, including the professor. And they aren't even talking about the material. That's a room full of 20-yr old boys for you.

I've written another post to Aliocha that I've delayed to post because I need to check some of my notes for part of the answer, but wanted to go ahead and post this... and more. I guess I just had to rant. I won't say what I made on the test.

So much to write about!!

Bear with me please!

It's Monday, I have one week left of school and tons to blog about. I still have four comments from Aliocha to reply to, one particularly interesting article I read in a magazine I want to discuss, and a pleasantly inconclusive weekend. I want to get it all in, but as it piles up, it's harder and harder to write! So again, there may be a flood of posts forthcoming. Yet I have two homework assignments due this week and... yup, finals next week!! One last push until this semester is over inshaAllah, then some real free time when I can do important things like... well, that's personal.

Anyway, stay tuned inshaallah, more posts to come!

Have I ever been a Christian?

Yes. I think it was Yusuf Estes (and perhaps others) who said that becoming Muslim allowed him to be an even better follower of Christ. I take that viewpoint at times.

When I was five years old, I told my parents "I want to be saved." How cute. (I told this to the girls at dinner once when we were joking about our Christian backgrounds actually. One sister went aaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww.) I had a little talk with the preacher, do I really want Jesus to come into my life? Yes really! Save me from my sins? Yes really! And so on and so forth?

So I got a little white dress, went up in front of the congregation one Sunday and was forcibly held underwater by an old man. Panic! That's what you think when you're 5 and someone pushes you under water and won't let you up (and he's a lot stronger than you, too!) And so I was baptised "in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit." I was in Awanas--we held competitions to see who could memorize the most Bible verses. I guess it was kind of like a Bible study for kids. That church we went to was also a school, and I went there up through 2nd grade--a private Christian school. They were of the mind that women should absolutely not wear pants--and I blame them for 4 straight winters of strep throat from playing in the cold, damp weather in a knee-length skirt. The two probably aren't related, but I got sick every winter while I was there (I can still remember the smell and taste of the meds I had to take--every year.) and I'm sure that playing outside in the cold like that had something to do with it... I'm just sure of it. But that's why I have a very interesting opinion on school uniforms. Going to a church that won't let women wear pants has a strange effect on a girl.

We went to that church for a while, leaving when I was a bit older, and we left the school as well (my whole family.) Then my family, or just my parents, me and my brother, settled on a church closer to a new place we lived, and we joined up, and they had a revival. So at 13 I decided again that I had been weak in my faith and was not letting Jesus control my life and so on and so forth (these were the days of the W.W.J.D. bracelets!) and so I got baptized again, this time with a friend, my neighbor Stacey. So I was more active in my church for about a month, and the passion faded, and we eventually stopped going to church altogether. I didn't mind--it meant I could sleep in on Sundays.

As I got a little older I started to feel bad that I wasn't going to church--especially when I started working at a fast-food joint where one of the main hiring questions is "What church do you go to?" So I started looking around and trying to figure out how to make religion more important in my life. I sought churches, but never got real far. My study of Islam was not because I was looking for religion or faith in that direction at all. It was mostly an academic exercise that was initially divorced from my heart and spiritual opinions. Reading the Qur'an took my study of Islam to a different level though, and I think that's when it started affecting my heart, and that was the snowball rolling down the hill.

It was like I started to understand spirituality, and in a much deeper sense than I found in churches. Because it was inside of me it was more real than what seemed so superficial to me from Christians that I knew. Some people might think Islam looks rigid but for someone who really wants to worship God, it's like the answers are there. How to pray was a big one for me, and I'm specifically talking about the chapter of the Qur'an that is recited in the prayer. It is praise, it is glorification, and a plea for guidance, and the beauty of it was then and is now stunning to me. Does something similar exist in Christianity? Yeah actually it does. But in Islam, when you repeat it 17 times a day, it absolutely has a much greater effect than something you think of only when problems arise. So in a way it is a kind of discipline, and that's something I never found.

So I was a Christian, definitely. I identified myself as such and I really did believe and never really looked outside of Christianity for faith. Just like you aren't looking for money on the ground but when it catches your eye...

Aliocha

Greetings!!

Thank you for all your wonderful comments, I really enjoyed reading them! And no, I did not forget you! I had missed you when you stopped logging on to the forum, and I missed your gentle correspondence and manner of questioning and am overjoyed you found the blog again and asked your questions. Naturally, I'm more than happy to provide answers.

But to avoid the need to traipse through pages of archives, I would like to answer them all up front if I can inshaAllah (God willing.) I'll start from the bottom and work my way up hopefully, and I might take a couple posts instead of just one if that is necessary.

Let me start by saying there is no question too basic. Knowledge has to be acquired somehow, you can't sleep with a book under your pillow and expect in the morning to know its contents. So what better way to learn than ask? Really, I'm honored that you're asking and I feel privileged to answer. :-) I tend to forget that my readers are not only Muslims, so I'm thinking now it might not be a bad idea to place a small glossary on the side of the blog for some of these words.

So first things first... haram. More or less, yes, it means prohibited. In Islam there are things that are mandatory or obligatory on adherents, like five daily prayers and fasting Ramadan, and there are somethings that aren't allowed, like eating pork or drinking alcohol. Those things not allowed are called haraam. However, there's an exception to the rules and there are situations where the mandatory may be excused, and the prohibitions relaxed. But you are correct that the meaning of haraam is prohibited.

Next, there is a difference of opinion of scholars regarding music. Some will say that in all forms it is totally prohibited, maybe even a mother singing to her child (though it's easy to call that a bit extreme.) Others will say it is allowed but disliked, or allowed assuming it does not involve other things that could lead to trouble or are in their own ways prohibited. For example, a song about alcohol, and the fun of being drunk? Well we established that alcohol is haraam, right? A lot of music also is tied to dancing, dancing in sexual forms to sort of elicit a physical response from the audience. I think conservative people of faith would naturally shy away from that--music that gives the appearance of a bedroom scene in public, bumping and grinding and so forth. So that could easily be prohibited. But music that is more benign often falls into a mysterious category where people don't know if it should be allowed (in Arabic halal) or prohibited. Some scholars dislike certain instruments or intentions for music. I'm sure they all have their reasons, and I can acknowledge that a discussion about why they think it is one or the other is over my head to some degree--what I wish is that more people would acknowledge that and cease to pretend to be the scholars they aren't qualified to be. :-)

As far as music for worship, this is interesting you ask. The Psalms to me always seemed like music, and in fact reciting the Qur'an is a music all its own. But worship, Islamic-style, does not involve instruments, and tends to be a very quiet affair. The parts of the prayer that are aloud are just reciting of the Qur'an but the rest of it is quiet. The silence adds to the reverence and respect, in my opinion, and prevents distraction from the real message of it.

A fitnah... this word means something like a trial or a test, or maybe a troubling situation where one is tempted to stray, or maybe even a civil war. Another benefit of my posting this is that some of my readers might be able to correct me on this--if I'm wrong I strongly encourage them to do so (hint hint ya'll!)

Now mashaAllah is one of these things that people say, where the meaning doesn't quite make sense. Literally I think it means "What Allah willed" and usually as a good omen. Muslims, especially Arabs, tend to say things like "Oh what a beautiful baby, mashallah" or "So he's an engineer? Mashallah" or "What a kind brother, mashallah." It's like a reminder that Allah had a hand in this world, what we see and what we don't. As I used above, inshaAllah means "If Allah wills" and Muslims will use that especially when talking about doing something in the future. It's really beautiful, actually, and something not only found in Islam but in Christianity as well actually, if you read the book of James. The author tells the audience not to say they will do something tomorrow without saying "If it is the Lord's will." Likewise in Islam, Muslims are told not to say they will do something for sure without acknowledging that they may only do it if it is God's will.

So it seems I have to go somewhere for now, but inshaAllah I will answer more of your questions in later posts. May God grant us all peace and guidance and keep us straight on His Path.

Sharing, sharing, Muslims do that too!

The polygamy post... you know you were expecting it sooner or later. Tuesday night is "House" night. (House being a particularly unspecial TV show my friends just rave about.) And "House" parties consist of dinner and girly chit-chat, salat, and TV--quite often starting with American Idol (*snicker*.) Unfortunately, Tuesday night is my 5-hour lab shift, 7:30pm to 11:30am. Joy upon joys. So I usually visit for dinner and then leave around 7 to come in to the lab.

It is nice to spend time with Muslim sisters. Primarily it's three women: my roommate, another convert sister, and an American born Egyptian sister. The latter has kids my age, actually, who sometimes are there. Usually her son (who I have worked with a few times at da'wah table) though he doesn't exactly join in, and her eldest daughter who is nearer my age--present less often. So when it's the four of us, conversation tends to cover a few basic topics... one is engaged to be married, so her fiance is a hot topic. Another is... not engaged but "involved sort of" with a man who is not Muslim (yet) but seriously considering converting. And then there's my roommate. So those two men get a lot of talk time, everyone's employment, and things like that.

For whatever reason I try to insert politics and religion into the discussion (is that impolite?) I really enjoy hearing their opinions--not just because I agree with them or like to hear women getting angry, but because they are intelligent and thoughtful women with interesting experiences.

We talk about segregation, and we talk about racism, about faith, about converting, about working as a Muslimah in the south (we all four wear hijab) and we talk about food. The main dish tonight was Byriani... yay. :-D

Tonight one main topic of conversation was jealousy. Two of these sisters (the ones involved with the men) consider themselves to be very jealous--they are also both very strict in their covering by the way. And I did not introduce the topic, but it came up, of polygamy. This is where it gets interesting. One sister was absolutely opposed, said she wouldn't go for it because she was too jealous. Another sister said she had actually proposed the idea to a man ("You give me a house, and a car, and you can come over whenever you want.") The third said she would have been open to the idea with her ex-husband because she knew what a good man he was, and did not fear any injustice on his part, but might not have the same opinion of another man.

So that's key then, isn't it? The way the man treats the women? Oddly enough I came across some videos tonight about wife-beating (of all utterly horrendous topics) and found one man to say that he feels bad about punching his wife in the face, and would opt for another form of discipline in the future--like taking another wife. That is, he would take another wife just to anger the first as a form of revenge... or do I mean discipline? Excuse me while I spit.

Scumbags like that don't have the right to be married, in my opinion. No, they don't even have the right to leave their homes without a leash. But that's not the state of most men I think so I won't give them any more mention in this post inshaAllah.

One of the sisters tonight made the comment that polygamy isn't really all that bad, if you're looking for a few things--if you want to have a career, aren't really interested in having kids (ie leave it to the other wife, but you can always babysit so it's like almost being a mom... co-mommy) or in some other way like to have time that is not spent around the same man all the time, you're free to do that. Or as she said, you can take care of business and then send him home.

Even more shocking was the comment of a non-Muslim woman who said that she thought it was a good idea--as she got older she realized she didn't like spending so much time with her husband anyway! So some women go for it, and some women don't. Likewise, some men go for it and others don't. (That is, they realize how much trouble it can really be--imagine if both wives are mad and they gang up on him...!)

Anyway, just getting a few thoughts cleared out of my head here, it was a pretty funny discussion even though it didn't actually arrive anywhere.