Blind But Now I See?

Alhamdulillah, this weekend I got to spend some time with my family. My nephew, who is 3 years old, has just recently gotten some glasses. Aside from the fact that he just looks adorable with them on, he is now able to see so much better--can focus on objects to play with, plus letters and numbers so he can learn much faster now. It turns out he was extremely farsighted, especially in one of his eyes, unable to focus, and his eyes were crossing when he would try. But now he has glasses, and now he can see. His mom said that he won't even take them off--pretty remarkable for a three year old, adjusting to this new object on his face. But they made such a difference for him that he won't take them off except to sleep.

I was talking to one of my friends the other day about how life changes when someone becomes guided--that it is like they could sort of see the world, but it was blurry. Everything was literally out of focus--the purpose of life, relationship with God, family relationships, economic perspectives, morality, etc. And then the guidance from Allah (SWT) is like those prescription eyeglasses, which bring everything in to focus.

When someone has been guided, he can begin to look at the world with new clarity. If a person is trying to live a "good" life, he will still have trouble making the right choices without the guidance from Allah (SWT). From the basics of worship, to how to treat one's parents, and how to deal with money--Islam gives us, the Muslims, this focus, to see what is important in life. We are able (inshaaAllah) to see what is most important, we are able to follow the law. And if the law is like a road (and the word shari'ah is somehow related to the word for street), then how can a person drive without proper vision? He cannot see the signs, the streetlights, the lines on the road, or the other cars. How confusing!

But yet, if a person was born with bad vision, he wouldn't know that anyone else could see the world differently. He wouldn't know that his vision was bad, because he would have nothing to compare it to. Just like somebody who has never been exposed to Islam wouldn't know the difference between having that guidance and living without it.

But then once someone is able to see clearly--once he puts on those glasses--he won't want to return to his previous state of blindness. Just like we as Muslims should cling to our Islam, and cling to the Qur'an and the Sunnah of our Prophet (saaws) which put this dunya, and our lives into focus.

Is then one who doth know that that which hath been revealed unto thee from thy Lord is the Truth, like one who is blind? It is those who are endued with understanding that receive admonition;- (Ar-Rad 19)

Doomed? (part 1)

Last Friday's post at Organic Muslimah (Will She Go to Hell?) got me thinking. Especially since I'm starting to get involved with some youth activities, it's been bothering me what a simplistic outlook on the world has been conveyed to children in the guise of Islam.

Now I'm far from an expert (I never attended Islamic Sunday School), so correct me if I'm wrong. But it seems like the basic message taught to Muslim kids these days is that one category of activities is fard (mandatory), another category of activities are haraam (forbidden), and if you don't follow the rules, you're going to Hell. And everyone who isn't Muslim? They're going to roast in Hell, too.

Very simplistic, isn't it? And sure, that is useful as little kids aren't prepared to accept the finer subtleties of fiqh, and a healthy fear of hellfire is certainly a good thing. But what you end up with are people who think that since they do the fard, and avoid the haraam, they are getting Jannah (Paradise) and everyone else is getting Hellfire. Ouch.

That is bound to leave a person wondering, just like the persona in Organica’s post, what about the people who lived before Muhammad (s), before Islam, before Shari’ah? In fact, as a Christian I had been seeking an answer to a similar question—what would happen to people who lived before Jesus (s), who didn’t have the opportunity to accept him or believe in him (who Christians believe died for their sins.) I wasn’t satisfied with the answers, as clearly Christianity abandoned the religion at the time of Jesus (s)—the law is gone, and I could see no reasonable explanation why people today wouldn’t have to follow the same or at least similar law as the people before Jesus. It never made sense that people would have to follow a different path to salvation. And what about the people who weren’t blessed to be in the nation of Israel? They didn’t seem to have any way at all of getting to Heaven before Jesus! (s)

So to see a Muslim struggle with a similar question is puzzling to me, because I embraced Islam partly because of the answer to this question. Abraham (s) wasn't Jewish, and he wasn't Christian--but yet he is a great patriarch in both of those traditions. He never, according to the Bible, mentioned belief in Jesus (s). So? Why should that be the cornerstone of my belief? Why the change? But Allah answers this question for us--Abraham (s) was on the true path of Islam, submission to God. Before Muhammad, after Muhammad--Islam is the same, the deen (although not necessarily the law--Shari'ah) is the same. So what happens to people before Muhammad (s)? They were sent messengers too, Allah tells us He sent a messenger to every nation. And if they still didn't get the message, we know that Allah is Just in His Judgment. Our obligation as Muslims is to believe in all of the Messengers of Allah--and that Muhammad is the very last one. The people before would only have to believe in what Allah told them through His messengers, but essentially the message, the way of life, it never changed.

This is one of the many logical truths which demonstrated to me the real beauty of Islam. On the other hand, I think people get confused about how they should view non-Muslims, and many people take the simplistic approach of reserving God's mercy for themselves, and God's wrath for everyone else, though it's not their place to do so. Mostly, I think that approach is a result of an overemphasis on either hope, or fear, where balance should be maintained. InshaaAllah I'm going to cover these topics in subsequent threads.

Smoke Choke

So this is Raleigh... are you having trouble seeing through that haze? Yeah, me too. This is not a morning fog, or smog. It's just plain smoke.

I first noticed it walking past the windows at work... by noon, any fog should be long gone (especially in this heat) and being unable to see the sky is always pretty strange unless it's raining.

So I looked up the weather forecast and discovered that wildfires in the eastern part of the state were the source of smoke which moved in to the city today. And apparently, because of the wind, won't be moving out until Saturday.

I'd like to say it's just a minor inconvenience, but it's pretty serious. The smoke is everywhere--you walk outside, and you're inhaling smoke. And if the odor of it alone doesn't bother you, in a few minutes just breathing will get difficult. We noticed it in the office when people started leaving for lunch--opening the door lets in the smoke, causing everyone in the office to start coughing. Going outside is even worse, of course, so that inhaling it begins to burn before too long.

I don't bring this up just to complain--there's not anything anyone can do about it anyway. But just to remind us of how fragile we are, and our dependence on air. That said, a hurricane headed this way to clean it all out sounds really nice right about now.

This thing called Interfaith

This past weekend the Raleigh Masjid played host to a small council of imams in the area, called the CIC (which I think stands for Carolina Islamic Council.) From what I can gather, it's comprised of the leaders of local Islamic communities, who meet a few times a year for a few lectures open to the community and alo other discussions they hold in private. I never really knew about it until they came here this weekend.

But one of the presentations was offered by a local brother on giving da'wah. And he described all the different kinds of da'wah we do at our masjid... which sounds really impressive if you're giving or listening to a presentation about it. In reality, it seems difficult to scrape up volunteers for all these activities we apparently do.

But one kind of activity which tends to draw criticism from the Muslim community is that which falls under the heading of "interfaith." In fact, our da'wah committee has a branch called "interfaith." But it's probably not what people might fear on the issue of interfaith--which is, an agreement among participants that everyone's religion is equally valid. But what is done here is actually rather limited--it involves coordination and communication between local churches, synagogues, and mosques, and some informational exchanges between them.

The flagship of this branch is an activity called One God, Three Faiths. Notice "three faiths," and not "interfaith;" while Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all teach belief in One God, the religions are different. The way it works is that each participating group--10 members from a church, synagogue, or mosque--hosts everyone else at their house of worship for dinner, and discussion. They rotate so each group gets to host, and everyone gets to visit the different places of worship.

In the process, they learn about the different religions, primarily through social contact. The presentations focus on a specific theme, each group presenting the view of their religion. For example, one theme was Abraham, and everybody got to explain the importance of Abraham in their faith, as the event progressed.

This kind of activity is of course an opportunity to give da'wah, because there is a willing audience, and the chance to explain Islam. But frankly that's not what was going on. More recently, however, some newer members are approaching the task with the greater obligation of presenting Islam as strongly as possible, pointing out the differences.

Some people might suggest that such an environment is more suited for highlighting similarities--and that is the trap of interfaith work, to avoid the distinctiveness, and when it comes to Islam and da'wah, that is really something to be focused on. By that, I mean tawheed.

At the conference, it was pointed out that the nature of this activity is not true interfaith, but more presenting Islam in an environment where other religions are also able to present their view, and was considered acceptable. I was glad to see the activity take a turn towards more aggressive da'wah in recent months, and hope that we as Muslims can summon the courage to discuss our deen in any setting. Because that is our obligation before Allah.

Racing to Forgiveness

I remember the first time I said a "swear" word. I was about 5 or 6 years old, it was in the driveway to my house, and it came out like this, "What the hell..." My dad was there--and he glared at me, then dragged me into the house. I remember getting my mouth washed out with soap by my mom (yes, that really happens) and from that point on, being terrified of even uttering a word like "hell" or, heaven forbid, anything worse!

When I was growing up we used to call them "cuss" words--slang from "curse," I reckon. And thanks to that early childhood experience, I tried to keep them out of my vocabulary. But by the time I was in high school and college, I didn't try as hard. I learned that if I would watch more TV or movies which used those words, they could more frequently come to mind in bad situations, a problem I rectified by trying to avoid that kind of entertainment where such language (profanity) was common. Eventually, such words really only came to mind when I was angry. And it's fascinating how real anger can inspire the most disgusting thoughts. That has, in the past, been one of the worst ways I would exercise my anger--yelling at people, using bad words.

As Muslims, though, we are supposed to restrain our anger. It's so important that even the pinnacle of strength is being able to control it--the weak ones are those who are controlled by it. In fact, restraining anger is one of the characteristics, given in the Qur'an, of the people of Paradise.

In Surat Ale Imran(3:133), Allah (swt) says, what can be translated as

And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous...

Not just stroll towards forgiveness at a leisurely pace, but race towards it. Race towards what Allah has promised. Allah describes a single garden, jannah, as wide as the heavens and the earth for those who have taqwa. But who are those who have taqwa? The next verses explain:

Who spend [in the cause of Allāh] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allāh loves the doers of good;

The first characteristic mentioned is the spending, or giving in charity. When we are well-off, have just received a bonus or tax refund, it's pretty easy to spend... or at least, easier than when times are hard, and it looks like the last few dollars might not stretch until the next payday. But Allah is describing those who spend in both cases--something to remember the next time we consider giving charity but hold back because of our own circumstances.

The second characteristic relates to my story at the beginning--restraining anger. But the Arabic is more akin to swallowing anger. Like it boils up, from deep inside, ready to spew out on anyone nearby, anger needs to be swallowed--and that is what takes the strength, and control. In my case anyway, if I'm tempted to yell or use bad language, swallowing is a very appropriate metaphor. Taking the anger and just pushing it back down, refusing to let it's ugly head breathe fire on anyone around me.

The third characteristic expounds on the second, and that is to forgive people for the wrongs they have done. Since we should be racing towards forgiveness from our Lord, it's to be expected we should try to be forgiving of others, of their wrongs against us.

And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allāh and seek forgiveness for their sins – and who can forgive sins except Allāh? – and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.

The fourth characteristic is quickly remembering Allah, and repenting for sins. Of course we should repent for what we have done wrong, but this verse is describing the person who remembers Allah immediately and repents immediately, and then avoids what they have done wrong, knowing that it's wrong.

Those – their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers.

And then, after describing the characteristics, Allah reminds us again of the reward: forgiveness, and gardens. Gardens, jannaat, plural. So first Allah says to race towards forgiveness and a garden, then says who the garden is for, and then says that the reward is really gardens, which He then describes--more beautiful and lasting than anything on the earth.


Photo 1 Credit
Photo 2 Credit

Masjid Etiquette Follow-Up: Do's and Don't's

A few months ago I made a post on general Masjid Etiquette, which received a mention in Ijtema that it was mostly things not to do at the masjid. That wasn't my intention exactly, so since then I've wanted to follow up. Because today's khutbah is about masjid etiquette, I thought this would be a good time to review it. A lot of the material is the same, but this list is based on the Imam's Khutbah, the text of which is posted on the masjid website, as linked. I have organized it into Do's and Don'ts, for convenient reading, starting with the Don'ts, and provided the appropriate references (daleel) when available.

DON'T

• Don't run to catch up with a rakaa - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said,"If the prayer started, then do not join it running, and join it walking and quiet, and pray whatever you caught up with, and make up for what you missed." [Bukhari & Muslim]


• Don't distract those who are praying, even by reciting Qur'an - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said,"The praying person is in contact with his Lord, so let him concentrate on whom he is in contact with, and do not raise your voices over one another with Qur’an." [Ahmad]; Assa'eb (R.A.) said: "I was in the Masjid, and a man called me, I turned to him and there was Omar (R.A.). And he said: "Bring me these two men", then I brought them to him. Omar asked: "Where are you from? They replied from the people of At-Ta'ef. He said: "If you were from the people of Al-Madinah, I would have hurt you because you raised your voices in the Masjid of the messenger of Allah (S.A.W.)." [Bukhari]


• Don't pass in front of someone who is praying - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "If the passer in front of the praying person knew how much sin he committed, it would have been better for him to wait for forty than to pass in front of him." [Bukhari & Muslim]


• Don't spit in the masjid - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "Spitting in the Masjid is a sin and its expiation is clean it." [Bukhari & Muslim]


• Don't conduct buying/selling transactions - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "If you see some one selling or buying inside the Masjid, say to him: May Allah not make your trading profitable..."


• Don't yell out for lost items - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "...And if you see someone crying out inside the Masjid something he has lost, say to him: May Allah not restore it to you, for the Masajid were not built for this."


• Don't leave the masjid after the adhaan without praying with the jama'a - Abu Hurairah (R.A.) said, "The prophet (S.A.W.) ordered us, when we are in the Masjid and the Salah is called for, not to leave the Masjid until we pray." [Ahmad]

DO

• Avoid offensive smells (i.e., onion, garlic, tobacco) and wear clean clothes - 'Umar (R.A.) used to say while on the Minbar: "I saw the prophet (S.A.W.) when he found their smell (garlic, onion) from a man in the Masjid, he ordered him to be taken out." then 'Umar said: "If you must eat them, then cook them well." [Muslim]


• Say a supplication - On the way to the masjid, the prophet (S.A.W.) used to say: "O Allah, make in my heart light, in my vision light, on my right light, behind me light, in my nerves light, in my flesh light, in my blood light, in my hair light, and in my skin light."


• Enter with right foot first - The Prophet (S.A.W.) used to say, "In the name of Allah, O Allah, open for me the gates of your mercy" when he entered the masjid. [Muslim] Ibn 'Umar (R.A.) used to step with his right foot first when he entered the Masjid, and step out with his left foot first when he walked out of the Masjid. [Bukhari]


• Greet everyone in the masjid with salaam, even if they are praying - Souhaib (R.A.) said: "I passed by the prophet (S.A.W.) while he was praying and gave Salam to him, he replied to me with a gesture." [Bukhari & Muslim] And Ibn Omar (R.A.) asked Bilal (R.A.): How did you see the prophet (S.A.W.) reply to them (his companions) when they gave Salam to him while he was engaged in prayer?" Bilal said: "By spreading his palm."


• Pray two rakaa before sitting - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "When one of you enters the Masjid, he should pray two Rak'ah before sitting down."[Bukhari & Muslim]


• Use a sutrah - The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: "If you pray, then pray toward sutrah (some barrier) and get closer to it." [Bayhaqi] "Between the place of his prostration (S.A.W.) and the wall there was no room more than sheep pass." [Bukhari & Muslim]


• Keep the masjid clean and in good shape - The companions of the prophet (S.A.W.) used keep the Masjid clean. Abdullah bin Omar (R.A.) used to put perfume inside the Masjid when Omar (R.A.) sat on the Minbar to deliver Friday speech. [Abu Dawud]


• Greet the people while leaving the masjid - "When one of you joins a gathering he should greet those present; and when he leave them he should greet them because the first salutation is not better than the last one." [Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi]


• Leave with the left foot first -The prophet (S.A.W.) used to say: "In the name of Allah, O Allah open for me the gates of your blessings, O Allah protect me from Satan."

Please forgive me for any mistakes. And feel free to check the other post for more things which one should do, or not do, at the masjid.

Heat Advisory

According to the Wikipedia entry for Severe weather terminology, a heat advisory is:

Extreme heat index making it feel hot, typically between 105 °F to 110 °F (40 °C to 43 °C) for 3 hours or more during the day and at or above 75 °F (24 °C) at night. Specific criteria varies over different county warning areas.

After several months of light spring weather here in Raleigh, temperatures comfortably below 80F through much of May, the first few days of June have shockingly jolted into 90's, prompting weathermen to issue a heat advisory.

But yesterday a sister posted a reminder about the warm weather. A reminder that with rising temperatures, people shed their clothes and tend to act more shamelessly, presenting Muslims with a greater fitnah around them. It was a reminder that Allah is All-Aware, that He knows our struggle, and a reminder that the fire of Hell is hotter than what we might be suffering here on earth.

Sisters in hijab around here often get remarks like, "Aren't you hot in that?" and of course we're all hot. But there are some benefits of covering up in the summer. Loose clothes (and our clothes should be loose anyway) are cool and breezy. If they are loose, they allow sweat to be effective in cooling the body and trap cooler air. Not to mention getting good air circulation from loose-fitting pants, skirts, and loose long sleeves--they also protect the skin from the harsh light of the sun, even better than sunblock!

For someone like me, with very fair skin, that's important to protect against sunburn in the short term, and skin cancer in the long term. Alhamdulillah, I haven't had to suffer sunburn, except on my face, since I started wearing hijab.

So anyway, covering in light, loose clothes might even be cooler than uncovering. But since most people do take the heat as an opportunity to go about half-naked, we as Muslims should all try to lower our gaze.

Marriage À La Carte

I have an opinion about polygyny--I don't think it's an evil monster, but I do think everyone should be responsible about it. Those who aren't give other Muslims a bad name, but worse, fling themselves against the boundaries of Islamic law, possibly infringing on the rights of others.

I have a problem with the sort of man who would pursue a woman to be his second wife, and devote to her alone all his free time. As if, because the woman is not his wife, he isn't responsible for being fair with his time! The horrible injustice of this to the first wife pains me. Imagine the scenario--after weeks of intense courtship, during which the prospective couple has spent just nearly all their evenings (after work until midnight and beyond) and weekends together, they spontaneously wed without any prior announcement to the community.

The wife, aware that her husband is seeking another wife despite her own objections, is forced to endure weeks of neglect while her husband doesn't feel the need to be fair to her because the other woman isn't his wife. He somehow thinks he won't be accountable for how he spends his time. I have a problem with the man, and I think I even have a problem with the other woman who approves of that behavior. Undoubtedly her heart and hormones are steering her off the proper course, but she should consider the position she is leaving the wife, as she alone monopolizes his time.

So I don't have a problem with polygyny per se, but the abuse of it by some men. I truly love how women are honored and respected in Islam--guaranteed rights often abused by various societies. Unfortunately, there are in fact people in this world, Muslims, who deem important only their own rights, the obligations of women, while remaining silent and ignorant on the rights of women! Many of them will, for example, strongly advocate the right of men to take a second wife, without a word on their capability of treating them fairly. They proclaim the right of men to know where their wife is, and that she not speak to other men, but freely engage in flirtation and romance with women to whom they are not married. They describe their own jealousy as admirable, and their anger as acceptable--but for a woman to respond to her own jealousy or anger, is deemed intolerable! What hypocrisy is this?

Islam is not a religion in which we can pick and choose what we like and dislike. Allah SWT says what can be translated as, "It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allāh and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allāh and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error." (33:36)

We cannot claim our rights while disowning our responsibilities--that is the nature of oppression, and tyranny. The Prophet Muhammad (saaws) reminded his Companions to "Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah." (Muslim) That hadith goes on to list the rights of the wife, and of the husband. Allah (SWT) says what can be translated as "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable." (2:228) This is Islam, a religion with guidance and wisdom from our Lord. It is imperative that we heed His words, and those of His Messenger, and not strip our brothers and sisters of their rights, which are from Allah.

For my part, I hope that men who do pick what they want, especially in marriage rights, don't make up a majority--for sure, there are not many such among my acquaintance, and I prefer to believe (in absence of proof to the contrary) that these are the exception rather than the rule.

Resurgence of Scholarly Thought

For the past several weeks I've had the opportunity to take a class offered by the imam at my masjid about the differences between the four major schools of fiqh. It was a very interesting class, just wrapped up, and this weekend I finally received a copy of The Four Imams. But aside from the basic material of the class, the sheikh gave us a new perspective on scholarly thought and ijtihad in the modern Muslim world.

He explained that after a time of intense scholarly pursuits, during which Muslims pursued knowledge with fierce dedication, the students of knowledge began to simply follow their teachers. Rather than basing a fatwa on daleel (proof) and ijtihad, they would provide a fatwa of a previous scholar, with that scholar being the authority rather than the verses from the Qur'an, hadith from the Prophet (s) or Companions or other sources which were used. Ultimately that led to a breakdown of the intellectual struggle and stifled advances in Islamic thought. Scholars would train exclusively in one school of jurisprudence, and some people (laypeople I presume) even considered that to change one's madhhab was equivalent to changing one's deen--even converting to another religion like Christianity after being Muslim.

I think it's important to understand that kind of development, intellectual regression if you will, because the dearth of capable scholars leaves many Muslims today prone to be misguided.

Let's take for example the medical field--we have seen in this century amazing new advances is in medicine. Advances in medicine are possible because there is an abundance of doctors and research facilities. People collectively view advancement as important and so resources are devoted to the task. As more people study and practice medicine, the brightest minds are given a forum in which to excel, and funds are directed towards that pursuit.

Why shouldn't the study of Islam be the same way? That we devote our resources towards it--that the brightest minds among the Muslims follow a path that not just reviews and copies what has been done before, but continues to flourish with fresh new perspectives analyzing the past and synthesizing a means for the future. The medical field has developed a culture in today's world, but the study of Islam should do the same. A culture that respects the scholars and puts Allah first, which understands global currents but advances the cause of Muslims worldwide, for the sake of Allah.

That has to begin with thought--introspection. Looking inside our past and revitalizing it. I think this is happening today--Muslims are increasingly active in da'wah to Muslims and non-Muslims. They seek to convey the message to those who haven't heard it, teach it to those who accept it, and implement it among those who embrace it. It is a slow process but that's what we see--slowly but surely the scattered ashes of a united ummah are fusing together, congealing to construct a new house for the Muslims. But without the solid bricks of knowledge, the house can only be shaky, and weak, at best.

Many Muslims today are also seeking knowledge--even in the West, students from overseas are founding new schools and institutes to make knowledge more accessible to Muslims who would otherwise be isolated from the powerhouses in the Muslim world. It is a trend I think we should encourage--yes, it is important to have doctors, lawyers, journalists, etc., but we cannot progress as a single nation unless we understand what binds us together, and that is Islam. The scholars of the past have left us towers, which over centuries have begun to decay and fall. We need to make it a priority, to teach ourselves about Islam, to teach our children, and the rest of the world.

I have immense respect for those who have elected to carry the banner, those who devote hours, days, months, years to the pursuit of Islamic knowledge--may Allah reward them.

Nuptial Impropriety?

Story:
1. Boy sees girl.
2. Boy pesters girl's wali.
3. Boy meets girl.
4. Boy woos girl.
5. Boy marries girl.

That seems simple enough, right? But let's start complicating it. Boy is married--let's call him Zayd. The girl knows--let's call her Zaynab. The wife (we'll just call her Zayd's wife) knows her husband is courting a second wife, even over her objections. At some point between steps 4 and 5, let's say 4.5, all parties--Zayd, his wife, his children, and Zaynab--all meet to discuss the situation. Naturally Zayd's wife still objects but is given very little say in the matter.

Zaynab is easily wooed by Zayd, accepts the notion of polygyny and is even convinced of Zayd's capacity to be fair and just between wives. After a few weeks of intense courtship, Zayd and Zaynab get married at the spur of the moment, with the consent of Zaynab's wali of course, but in privacy with respect to the rest of the community. Thereafter, Zaynab proceeds to introduce the man to her friends, inquiring as to their opinion of her new husband.

Now, doesn't it seem more logical to petition one's friends for opinions before contracting the marriage? I'm not a fan of overly long engagements myself, and to publicize an engagement which is not certain can be difficult for some couples, if they decide in the end to not get married. But somehow, "Surprise, we got married today!" doesn't seem like the right course.

If the thought "Did Zayd tell his wife about the marriage?" is going through your head, I'm sorry to tell you the answer is "Not yet." And when asked when he planned to tell her, he said "In three days." What is the significance of three days, I wonder? I'm still wondering.

I sometimes gauge how appropriate an activity might be by how much I wish to keep it to myself--the inherent shame associated with it is a kind of guide suggesting that it is probably not a good thing. And if a marriage has to be kept secret at the beginning--from friends, family, spouses--then is it really such an occasion for joy?

And if considering someone for marriage, why not introduce the person beforehand? Why not ask, before signing the contract, what other people think?

Because for me, "Surprise, we got married today!" followed by, "What do you think?" with a coy wink seems to only engender the following response, "You didn't seem to want to know before, and I doubt you'd appreciate what I think right now." After all that skirting around, my opinion is far from favorable.