Muddied Blackwater

Have you guys heard about this on the news? One thing that really bothers me about the war in Iraq is the "private security firms." I really don't think these guys are much better than mercenaries. Technically they are supposed to keep American diplomats safe in Iraq but this company, Blackwater, has made the news a second time. The first big time would be when some of its guys were "attacked" in Fallujah, killed, cut up, hung over the river... etc. That was big news. 2004.

But now in 2007 the Blackwater boys apparently were in a little skirmish, I'll call it, in Baghdad. Blackwater says they were attacked, and they were shooting "armed insurgents." Iraqi witnesses say that the Blackwater boys were shooting at the crowd and that eight innocent civilians were killed. The Iraqi prime minister said they were killed "in cold blood." He actually said that this was the 7th such incident with Blackwater.

This issue brings up what I think are a number of problems with the perspective of the war. What is the difference in an "insurgent" and a "civilian?" Well an insurgent is whoever they have to shoot at, I think. That would be, as we say, a practical definition, wouldn't it? They (B-boys) were shooting at a crowd... oh wait, here comes sarcasm... they couldn't have been shooting at civilians could they?? Oh no... they must have been insurgents!! Why? Just because they were shooting at them and they're, what, on our side? (Our "American" side.) That's what Americans would say. But they don't know these boys, I think. So anyway, problem one, ambiguity about who these boys, any of these boys in Iraq even in the military but especially in the security firms, may actually legitimately target.

Another problem, I think, is who these boys actually are. And yes I keep calling them boys as a sort of off-hand insult. I think they want to play a video game in real life. They sign up because they aren't interested in a commitment to the military. Despite the heroism which tends to be associated with the military, it doesn't pay so well, and requires a commitment of at least a few years. But they do want to "kill ragheads." That's it, they want to get those Mozzzlems, those terrorists, blah blah blah. I used to know (I say I "used" to know because he's not someone I would talk to again) a "boy" who thought he'd join up. They money, for them, is great. Assuming they live anyway, the money is great. Money most of these guys couldn't make any other way, not having high prospects for a high-paying job, and the lure of money in this society is strong. I kinda hate to say it, but I really think they are the bottom of the barrel. How terrible of me to say, but who would kill for money?

Another problem, and this is an issue to deal with immediately, and it's why this will make news now and why I think it might continue to make news, is the law for the firm. What law do they follow. This is a problem, to whom are they accountable? When Nouri al-Maliki says that civilians were killed in cold blood... don't you think that there should be some kind of investigation, prosecution, somebody punished if that's what actually happened? I mean, killing innocent people is wrong, yes? Well in 2004, private security firms like Blackwater were granted immunity from Iraqi law!! Um... hello!?

So these boys (who are not in the US Military and being held to its code) can shoot Iraqis and they aren't going to be held responsible by the government charged (or which should be charged) with protecting those civilians!? They can't be held responsible by the Iraqi government? Okay, that's a problem.

But it gets worse. Blackwater and firms like it are in Iraq (and other countries too, by the way) because of contracts it has made with the State Department. Yup! That's where they are getting their money, from American taxpayers more or less, and paying these tremendous salaries. War is a big business!! And who profits? Blackwater, to start with. So can the American government hold them accountable if they start causing trouble? Well, in previous cases there has been no attempt to do so... and there have been previous cases.

A NC Representative to Congress, who I'd like to add has made a point in the past to attend the MAPAC (Muslim American Public Affairs Council) annual fundraiser dinner to speak to members of the Muslim community in part of his district, has written a note to US Secretary of State (Condoleezza Rice) asking her whether these boys can even be prosecuted. He's asking if she even plans to investigate the issue!! Ultimately he's asking for support for legislation allowing that such security contractors may be prosecuted under American law, since it's doubtful (thanks to the UN) they can be prosecuted by Iraqi law (which is really unfair) and perhaps not even legitimate they be prosecuted under American law (which is an outrage).

The last thing these types of people need is free license to shoot people. I did not comment on Blackwater as being a firm held by radical Christian right-wing types, but if you're interested in that side of the story, here is a nice article by Chris Hedges, called America's Holy Warriors.

Article in Canadian Press
Article in BBC News

Three dozen eggs

Suhoor is nice.

For any reader who doesn't know, suhoor is the meal Muslims try to eat before beginning the day of fasting. The fast starts at "dawn," an hour and a half or so before the sun comes up in the morning, so Muslim try to eat something before then.

My roommate and I are partial to eggs.

I won't go into a tirade about why I love eggs, just suffice to say that they are very "nutrient dense" (meaning that relative to the number of calories, they have lots of nutritious) and especially a lot of protein. And if you're thinking "cholesterol?" then you've probably missed the more updated view that dietary cholesterol (that is cholesterol you eat) has hardly any effect on the amount of cholesterol in your body that your doctor keeps measuring.

So they're very nutritious. And when you're fasting, eating less food than normal, it's extra important to get all the nutrition, right? And Allah swt takes care of us. In addition to being nutritious, eggs taste good, they're cheap, and they're easy to cook. You can cook them several different ways, all in just a few minutes (so you don't have to get up super early for suhoor too cook a lot). We like boiled eggs, scrambled eggs (sometimes with cheese), fried eggs (ok, so my roommie doesn't like fried eggs) and omelets. Then you can get really adventurous (takes a bit more time) and go for egg salad and deviled eggs.

Anyway, last year we ate eggs pretty regularly and it's the same this year. It turns out though that I just ran out of eggs as Ramadan started. I mooched off roommie for one day (we share things often even though we typically buy stuff for ourselves) and before going to taraweeh that night I stopped by the grocery store and bought two dozen eggs to make sure we'd have enough to last a while without running out or having to worry about it again any time soon. Well, after taraweeh my roommate decided to stop by the grocery store (she didn't know, at the time, that I'd already bought some) and get some too!! So now, lol, we have three dozen eggs in the fridge.

InshaaAllah we'll get around to eating them soon. Now eggs aren't the only thing we eat. I alternate it with toast, oatmeal, grits (oh come on, I do live in the south after all, but they take longer to cook), cereal (raisin+ bran... extra raisins and granola!) and usually have either an orange or orange(+mix) juice. Dee-lish.

Yeah, just like Amy to talk about food in Ramadan.

Although this is worth saying... last year I lost about 10 pounds in Ramadan. I had 10 pounds to lose easily sure, but that's considerable for just 1 month. Most people I know gain weight in Ramadan, they eat a lot after breaking the fast, I think. I can't figure that one out, after a day of fasting, yeah I wanna eat... well mostly I want to drink water. But stuffing my face with rice and pasta really just makes me feel sick. But especially if I'm going to go to taraweeh... I remember last year my stomach seemed to "shrink" throughout the month so by the end... a small plate was enough, honestly. And alhamdulillah, the hunger is useful. Being full makes it harder to stay awake, harder to concentrate... and hey check out Br. Naeem's advice for Ramadan: don't overeat!

The other night I was eating at someone's house and (ok I should know better by now!) she fixed my plate for me. Partially. She spooned onto my plate from a few dishes... and that was tough. I hate to leave food on the plate, I feel like it's kind of an insult or something, but soo much food (much of it pasta).

I started this post though to talk about how nice suhoor is. I'm not talking about eating at 5am, but I'm getting to spend some quality time with my roommate. We don't eat together that often honestly, but being up at this time, it's not like there's anything much else to do, and it's not like we can go out somewhere to be distracted. So just me and her time, and it's really nice.

There are some activities at the masjid after fajr now, daily, but I'm not sure if I want to start going again. It tends to be stuffy in the masjid for fajr prayers (like they turn of the a/c once people leave) which would be almost tolerable except for the partition which limits any real circulation of air from the main portion of the musallah, compounded by extra sisters showing up to pray. I'm trying hard now to get on a better and more solid schedule, starting with worship in the morning and ending with worship at night, instead of lots of extra sleeping and then homework. I do have a lot of homework, and when I look at the stack of books I need to read by Monday, and I look at the Qur'an... I just feel really sad, and wish I were reading more Qur'an. This is Ramadan! I have better things to do than read 200 pages about the Korean War. :-(

So scheduling is important. Later today inshaaAllah I'm hoping to go to the imam's class on fiqh and tafseer. (It's 8am Sunday right now.) Maybe not the fiqh portion... don't get me wrong, I think fiqh is interesting, but in comparison to Qur'an.......... everything else pales.

Well anyway. Ramadan Mubarak everyone...

I Like History

I like that it's possible to read original documents, primary sources, whatever you want to call them.

I like that I can see what Truman read about Palestine... and what he said about it. That I can observe various commission reports on possible solutions to the Arab-Israeli problem prior to 1948. That I can see how the State Department, the CIA, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff all opposed a partition while Truman supported it. Then how Truman changed his mind and faced domestic backlash. I mean, it's a more fair way I think to observe history, and the history is important for an issue that is so polarized thanks to misleading propaganda.


Want to read? Here are some sources online:

• The United States and the Recognition of Israel: A Chronology
• Theodor Herzl, “On the Jewish State” 1896
• Balfour Declaration, Nov. 2, 1917
• Memo for President Truman on his stance on Palestine , October 17, 1945
  
• Proposal from Lessing J. Rosenwald to President Truman at their meeting in the White House, December 4, 1945
  
• Letter from Loy W. Henderson to Secretary of State Connelly, December 11, 1945
  
• “The Anglo-American Committee of Inquiry,” April 20, 1946 Read the Preface, and then click on "Chapter One, Recommendations and Comments” and pay attention to the nine recommendations.
• Letter from Acting Secretary of State William L. Clayton to President Truman, September 14, 1946
  
• Map of the UN Partition Plan, Sept. 1947
• Letter from Eddie Jacobson to President Truman, October 8, 1947
  
• Correspondence between Truman and Senator Thomas, Nov. 15, 1947
• Letter from President Truman to Eddie Jacobson, February 27, 1948
  
• Letter from Senator Francis J. Myers to President Truman, March 4, 1948
  
• Correspondence between President Truman and Representative Arthur G. Klein, May 5, 1948
  
• Letter from Dean Alfange to Major General Harry H. Vaughan and a reply from President Truman, May 5, 1948
  
• Letter from Congressman Chet Holifield to President Truman, May 7, 1948.
  
• Alternatives of how to make peace between the Arabs and the Jews in Palestine , May 11, 1948 (6 pages)
• Cover page of a letter from President Truman to Representative Joseph F. Guffey, May 12, 1948
  
• Declaration of Israel's Independence

Blood is Thicker than Water

Blood is thicker than water... or is it?

We use the expression the describe the superiority of familial relations over mere friendship. I've also heard a quite opposite but similar expression, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, implying that a covenant bond (you cut your hands and mix the blood), in particular the religious covenant (in Christianity, maybe Judaism) is stronger than even familial ties. I prefer that meaning, rather than the more common understanding... especially on days like this.

I was hoping, earnestly trying to resume somewhat normal relationships with my family--my sisters, in particular. I visit my parents semi-regularly although it's not frequent (every week or so) or for very long, at least I see them. I talk to my brother every now and again on the phone and just visited him recently for a few days, and he lives the furthest away. But I almost never talk to my sisters.

So I invited them and my nieces, and my mom to dinner. My mom was okay with it, the sister to whom I am closer rejected it providing a laundry list of excuses from timing, to blaming her husband, the selective invitation (only the girls) and ultimately blaming it all on me for being Muslim, and I don't have the heart after that to call my other sister again to see what she thought.

It pains me to no end how my own sister could say such things as she did, when I'm clearly being pushed away, out of my own family. Am I the one cutting ties when every attempt at reconciliation is met with such a reply? Is it fair for them to demand I capitulate in faith when I never have asked them to do so? I'm not asking them to agree with me, or even listen to me, just see me!

So blood is not thicker, not the blood in my family. Or is it the water of the womb which binds us? I understand that cutting ties with our families is wrong, I do, and we should obey our parents in everything except that which opposes Islam. And I'm coming around with my parents. Some of my Muslimah friends, converts who are much older than I am, suggest that maybe after a while my family will come around to accepting this decision of mine. How long? It's hard to believe that right, now, while things are just getting worse, and worse. How can I keep from cutting ties if I'm treated this way? And I'm not even talking of pride or arrogance here, but how is it possible to prevent such ties from dissolving when I can't even get them to talk to me, to see me?

I really don't think I can. And that just kills me.

The New Face of MSA

So, alhamdulillah, another school year... another MSA. I actually attended MSA meetings regularly last year, found it an opportunity to at least start to recognize other Muslims on campus and socialize with them, looking for ways to improve the Muslim "presence" on campus. I opted to not be on shura, but I did want to participate with the da'wah activities--primarily da'wah table, but also I got to give a short talk about Islam at an OEO class (Office for Equal Opportunity?).

I have an incredibly busy load now, but I still want to keep up with MSA. They meet once a week, iftars in Ramadan. I'm not sure what all else is going on; some lectures from community members probably, community service, da'wah... You know, being a senior I also have the opportunity to (inshaaAllah) provide a good influence for younger students. I hope it's a good influence anyway.

But most of my thoughts about MSA circle around the wish that the people in it cared more. I can't help but think that the brothers and sisters I see at these meetings are immature, dunya-oriented, and off-handedly shallow about their faith. I was disappointed to see how few people signed up for da'wah, and disappointed that nobody made an effort to even try to recruit people for da'wah. I think it's a critical activity honestly that needs lots of volunteers, and it's also one of the most rewarding I think... calling to Islam? I mean Allah swt rewards for that so it is the best of rewards.

When I arrived at the last meeting, all I really noticed was a large number of mostly Arabs and a few Desis sitting on tables, talking loudly. It probably (unfortunately) goes without saying that most of the sisters weren't wearing hijab. Unless hair-gel and gaudy make-up is hijab (it's not.) Maybe I'm wrong for being so cruel, and I don't think I would ever berate an individual sister on the issue of hijab, and indeed that was hardly the problem at the meeting. There was, in my mind, a complete disregard for propriety, and worse, a lackadaisical approach to Islam!! The only thing which unites the people in the room, what should be the most important part of the meeting and the reason for being there in the first place! I hate to see MSA being a social group. Yes, this is coming from ex-sorority president, but I mean it; there are places to socialize but MSA should be more than that!!

There was a talk by one brother about Ramadan: reminding people what broke the fast, what fasting meant, why we fast and so on. A similar talk was given by another brother last year (who wasn't a student... and you know, the talk was better, much more respect given to the topic.) This brother was laughing and the group laughing along with him. Not that laughing is bad just... Ramadan isn't a joke. I won't elaborate on some of the answers given to the question "What invalidates the fast?"

But all is not, was not bad. I should mention that even though the event was more social than anything else, for the most part boys stayed on one side and girls on the other. Violations were usually crossing the room to get to the door, or brothers straying into the sisters' section to get more food.

The real highlight for me, though, and I think some others, was the salaat. Since a lot of the girls don't cover, and didn't bother to bring a cover with them, they didn't pray. But for everyone else who did pray... they were treated to a very nice recitation by a brother who (I think) someone said was a hafidh. But the real treat, right after the salaam at the end, was when he turned around and taught the entire jam'at what they should do after every salaat. Taught, being the operative word. Meaning he explained it, we translated the du'as into English to understand them, and repeated them to memorize. Mashallah... May Allah reward the brother for that.

Here's what he taught:

• Istighfar 3 times: (Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah)
• Du'a: Allahumma Anta as-Salaam, wa minka as-Salaam, tabaarakta yaa dhal-Jalaali wa al-Ikraam.
• Ayat-ul-Kursi
• Du'a: Rabbi a3inee 3ala dhikrika, wa shukrika, wa 7usni 3ibaadatika. (x3)
  
• Tasbeeh: Subhanallah (x33), wa Alhamdulillah (x33), wa Allahu Akbar (x34.)
• Du'a: Laa ilaha illa Allah, wa7dahu laa sharika lah, lahul mulk wa lahul 7amd, wa huwa 3ala kulli shay'in Qadeer.

Uh, sorry for the progressively worsening transliteration, it's not my forte. But as the brother said, with Ramadan approaching we should hasten to do more good acts, and this is part of improving the prayer.

I mentioned this to another sister Friday night, and she said she wished someone had taught her that. She's a convert like me, and said she never learned that stuff until she went to Jordan. So may Allah reward all those brothers and sisters who make an effort to share knowledge, even when it seems some people don't want to hear it (I know some of those brothers were eager to get up and go eat, since eating was after the salaat).

But that salaat was a reflection of what I would like for MSA meetings to be more like, what I would like MSA to be like, rather than what preceded and followed it.

Oh Allah, help us to remember you, thank you, and perfectly worship you.

(edited to add: I fixed the error in the du'a above, the very important, missing "laa"!! Jazakallah khair to the one who noticed and brought it to my attention!)

Updates

So, two weeks into the semester, and I'm already bored of going to class. My four (and a half) engineering classes, anyway. My history class is really fascinating though, American Foreign Policy. I'm supposed to write a paper on the creation of the state of Israel, and I have to read all those documents like the Balfour Declaration and what have you, things people quote in bits and pieces for disturbing films on the current state of Palestine

But in only two lectures, and one paper so far on the origins of the Cold War, I've decided that America is actually pretty imperialist if you think about it. A premature opinion? It seems to me our government does exactly what it berates historical empires for, exactly what it fears other nations will do. I won't say it started with WW2, I know it's way more complicated, but I'm increasingly disillusioned with political rhetoric. Anyway, that is an interesting class. Despite not finishing the first paper entirely (ran out of time) I got a good grade on it and the professor recommended it for the rest of the class to read. Why does that matter? Because we're supposed to read each other's papers, that's why, and over half the class are graduate history students. That I'm able to keep up even, not having taken a single history class in 6 or 7 years (ok, it was AP US History in 11th grade!!) is impressive to me. I hope things stay that way.

I'm afraid my studies in general of Islam and Arabic in particular are falling behind and might stay behind for the time being. I'm overwhelmed academically, finding it difficult to fit in my current obligations. Although, one kid lamented to me before class how he has to read 50 pages for one class. Paltry in comparison to my assigned 200 pages/wk, I felt a little bit happier about what I had accomplished up to that point. A-l-h-a-m-d-u-l-i-l-l-a-h.

I am on the da'wah committee for presenting Islam publically, so doing those presentations should keep me on my toes, so to speak, as far as both public speaking and basic methods of giving da'wah. Moreover, I give a weekly khaatera after isha on Fridays on the book I've been reading, Purification of the Heart. So every week I have to read at least a chapter and summarize into notes to present. So far, after one introduction on the science and relevance of purification, I have done two diseases, miserliness and wantonness. This week inshaaAllah is hatred. During Ramadan I'll stop though, and resume afterwarsd inshaaAllah. The other way I'm keeping up my Islam is reading Qur'an. Reading it every day. I'm really glad I didn't wait until Ramadan to start this practice, so I would only leave it at the end. I'm hoping to finish it before Ramadan starts (making the 2nd time I've read it entirely) and read it again in Ramadan. I'm disadvantaged in taraweeh because I can't understand enough Arabic to really follow anything, but I swear reading Qur'an every day is probably one of the most spiritually invigorating things I've been able to practice regularly. It's a practice I really want to keep up for the rest of my life, to know the Qur'an backwards and forwards and be able to live it. I've realized that people who understand Qur'an at that level behave differently than other Muslims, and they seem much stronger in their faith as well... so I ask Allah to increase me in faith and make me someone who understands Qur'an and implements it.

So being busy like I am, without as much time on my hands in the lab like I've had in the past, I'll try to keep my blog up, posting a couple times a week, but the frequency is bound to die down from what it was over the summer. I'll try to make more meaningful posts though, and fewer trivialities. I hope people keep reading, and more people start reading. Happy September!

Everyone's a Regular Somewhere

My brother manages a small restaurant in a small town. By far, most of his customers are regulars. It is a beach town, so people pass through from other places too, but this is a popular chain in the small towns of eastern North Carolina. It works because the (apparent) commitment to service. In a small town with few places to eat, so long as you keep the store clean and make everyone happy, you get people coming back on a regular basis. Where else would they go anyway, though?

Either way, the last couple times I've visited him, I get to hear all these neat stories about his regulars. Actually, his fiancée does most of the talking at that point, because she has an outstanding memory. A good quality for a waitress to have, but I think she excels at memorizing things (so long as numbers aren't involved.) She knows the names of the customers, their orders, what businesses they run, the names of their kids, other tidbits from their last conversations... really extraordinary, because of the number of people who she does this for. Thing is, some of her "regulars" don't know who all the other "regulars" are. So while one is teasing her in a non-offensive (because of familiarity) way, another might take off attempting to defend his special waitress... can be amusing.

I used to really hate the idea of being a regular. If I'd gone to one restaurant enough times that I was recognized, I figured it was too many times and I'd stop going! I got over that not long ago, since I'm pretty much recognized very easily nowadays. My "regular" dinnerspot for a while now (in fact, only one because I don't eat out that often anymore, I and my roommate have both been cooking every week which leaves and needs less time for eating out) is a place called Greek Fiesta. (No, I'm not on their mailing list or anything... and I better not find out someone put me on it, either...) It's the Greek salad with feta cheese that keeps me coming back. In fact, although my "order" changes once in a while, seldom do I not get a salad... because for me the salad is the best part.

It's also a nice bonus that they have free wireless internet, so I can blog or whatever (usually whatever). I would've written this nice post there tonight, but their internet was down unfortunately... or fortunately. I read a few pages for my history class out of The Specter of Communism. I had to read about half of it by this weekend so I can write a paper. If you can't read the little print in red, it says: The United States and the Origins of the Cold War 1917-1953. And it started in 1917, Woodrow Wilson, key US-Russian relations from that point on, with Lenin, then with Stalin.

This class is US Foreign Policy, but it's a history not political science class. It's also a piggyback graduate (I'm a senior, btw) class, with 10 different books on the course reading list (which yes, I had to buy.) This is the first, the second I can start on now I've read the first 85 pages of this one. My big question for this class right now is why do Americans feel justified in waging ideological wars, but view it as injustice for anyone else to do the same? If you look at what was going on the Soviet Union, and what was going on in the USA... and ever present in my mind are the current foreign policy decisions. Politics is seeming to me to be nothing more than a stupid game, with different players rising to power and trying to win that game. Not much has changed in 90 years. By post-WW2 it's really obvious... anti-Communism in the late 40's was a political tool used all politicians, no matter what their goal or standpoint (racial segregation, racial integration, pro-union, anti-union, lower taxes, bigger military.) If somehow you (the politician) weren't voted for, or your issue, it was a sign communism was taking over. What a load, huh? Anyway, it's so easy to just put "Islam" in place of "communism."

Next on my list? America, Russia, and the Cold War: 1945-2006. The edition I hold (pictured left) is the 10th. On the back cover, which briefly describes the new edition, I read "Chapters covering the post-1991 era describe what some expert observers see as a new Cold War emerging." (emphasis mine) It then gives a brief list of new additions in the new edition, mentioning the Pope, the Beatles, and one I'd like to mention here: "The Reagan administration's support for Saddam Hussein's dictatorship in Iraq, including tolerating Saddam's use of chemical and biological weapons against Iranians."

When I tell people about this class, like the 10 books, weekly paper, graduate students making up the majority, they want to know why I'd put myself through it. (So I'm responding here in case any of you wonder the same.) For one thing, I think the material is interesting. For another, I think it is incredibly relevant, and I know I for one am horribly informed on the topic, and while I'm eager to debate anyone with what I know already (over eager, probably), I would rather be informed, and I should be. I should be anyway if I want to even open my mouth, and I should be because I am an American and am supposed to participate in this "democracy" we allegedly have going on once a year.

And after just one class (we meet weekly) I understand why it's so relevant, even if we only talk about the Cold War... because what dominates foreign policy for 5 decades (and, I think, beyond) is just this: ideological fear. History has never been my strong point, I do much better in math, but I'm hoping that since I am at least interested in the material that I can keep up and excel in the class, but more importantly gain a better understanding of global affairs, via historical perspective. InshaaAllah. With that in mind, I think everyone should be more informed. And I think the aforementioned books are a great way to start. I would heartily recommend the one which I've read, the Leffler Specter of Communism (even the title hints the ideological basis of the Cold War.)

Someone recently left a comment on my blog about Russian converts to Islam. So I'm going to admit I don't know anything about Russian converts, or Islam in Russia at all today. But I would be interested in learning.

We Only Cooked Twice!!

Last Ramadan for me was a wonderful experience, alhamdulillah. For converts in general though, I think it could at times be lonely, especially their first if they don't know that many Muslims. One thing I really enjoyed about my first Ramadan (which I stated when I was interviewed for the university newspaper the Friday before Eid) was the real sense of community. I met so many people, so many Muslims, they were everywhere, in large groups. And everyone was always so wonderful and nice (because... we were eating... a happy thing after 12 hours!).

A friend of my roommate's (and mine) recently asked her what we would be doing for Ramadan, and how we managed being alone, as we are. Well, my roommate was quick to tell her that in all of Ramadan last year, we only cooked twice. And one of those times was an iftar at our apartment!! How did we pull it off!? You might wonder... and we thought about it. It was pretty impressive actually, but I think back on it, and looking forward to this Ramadan I'm hopeful something similar will occur. Breaking fast with other people is infinitely better than doing so alone... for me, the first day I fasted was Arafat in 2006, when it was early in January. And I fasted alone. The second time I fasted though was with a sister in the MSA and I broke fast with her and that, my friends, was completely different. For me I was learning something there but also, to have company makes it a more meaningful occasion. And the more people present, the more to make du'a, and it does make a difference.

So, when Ramadan came around, I was fortunate enough (alhamdulillah) to have company almost everytime I had to break my fast. To start with, the masjid had free iftars for "singles/college students" twice a week, on Mondays and Wednesdays. It was segregated (when I say "singles" I don't want people to think it was a mixed get-to-know-you group date kind of thing) and never really crowded. 10-15 sisters usually, 20-30 brothers. But that was twice a week. On Thursdays every week the MSA had an iftar somewhere on campus for the college kids... that is, on my campus. On Tuesdays my roommate had a standing invitation at a friend's place, while I had a class. If I hadn't had that class I'd've gone with her, btw. But I would end up breaking fast in class with dates and water, sometimes a sandwich I would pack in the morning to take with me, and then grab a few more bites of leftovers in the fridge. Yes, leftovers, because especially the masjid iftars, always had leftovers. They had to get rid of the food way before isha too, so the fridge started filling up. (And we ate some of that for suhoor too, btw.)

So, so far that is Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays all covered. Leaving only the weekends. Now my roommate isn't so anti-social like I am, or she just has a lot more friends (being Muslim longer and all...) who give iftars. Some of those nights we were invited different places. Once to see the friend mentioned above who asked in the first place, once at another sister's house with a large group of almost entirely convert sisters, once there was a huge iftar for sisters at the masjid, once another huge iftar with the masjid A-list (the imam was there!) and then there were a few other college iftars, sponsored by the MSA at the other college, so I (and other students) could go over there too because it wasn't that far. And we were invited a few other places too. On Sundays I typically would actually buy food (Greek Fiesta!) and take it with me to sorority meetings, since maghrib came at a time when I had to be in a meeting, and they didn't mind too much. And any other time there were plenty of leftovers still. There was the iftar at our apartment, and also the one time my roommie cooked spaghetti. lol...

So alhamdulillah, that was really nice.

So... some words of wisdom from a convert:

• if you know a convert, invite him/her to a group iftar... several, if you can
• if you are a convert, find out about iftars sponsored by groups you're a part of and make an effort to attend

Breaking the fast with others is one really special (and I think, often overlooked) benefit of Ramadan. If you always eat with other people maybe you take this for granted. The only reason I could think of for turning down an iftar invitation would be because I had already committed to another one. (And I did on occasion skip masjid iftars to go to a friend's house instead, I should mention.) Reach out to people you know who live alone, or maybe only with their spouse (married people gonna flip at me... hmm...) or even whole families too. The more the merrier.

I'm pretty sure that eating in groups is better than eating alone, and for sure, praying in a large group better than a small one, and a small one better than none at all.

(And yes, my Ramadan calendar already has dates on it!)

pun intended.

Ramadan Mubarak (two weeks in advance!)

Eight Things Meme Tag

Okie dokie, so, Naeem tagged me like a week ago with this tag that I'm finally get around to. So maybe people are interested in learning more about me. I talk about personal issues sometimes on my blog, but then there are some things that I haven't really made public, and then some people haven't read a year and a half's worth of archives. So... for all of you......

Step 1: The Rules
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Step 2: Eight Things

1. I'm engaged! I've told a handful of people, and hinted at it in other places, but this is the first time I've really announced it. So, yay! My fiancé is in Saudi Arabia right now, and after I graduate inshaaAllah I'll move there too (though by then he should be my husband.) That of course is why I've been reading so many Saudi Blogs, in case anyone was wondering what was up with that.
   
2. I don't like chocolate. Strange, especially for a woman it's strange, but as I get older I like it less and less. I'll eat candy that is covered in chocolate, since most of it is, but seldom straight chocolate bars. I think adding chocolate to cheesecake ruins it, and only make an exception for chocolate cake (I do make an irresistable chocolate cake btw) and white chocolate. Not being racist or anything, but white chocolate which is made from the oil instead of ground up beans is so smooth, excellent in, for example, a mocha. Although I'm incredibly picky about chocolate, I love citrus flavors, lime, lemon, orange, hmm...
   
3. I wish I could fly. I have a pilot's log book, with my one pitiful hour of actual flight time logged in it. I can't for now afford (either in money or time) to get my pilot's license. Renting the plane, plus the instructor and fuel is all incredibly expensive. So I have my one little hour. I entered college declaring my major as aerospace engineering. I had a love of spaceflight from all the sci-fi I read in middle and high school, and wanted to do something with planes or spaceships as a career. I picked engineering because my dad implied that women couldn't be engineers. (So B'elana Torres on Voyager rocked, as a character, because she was chief engineer!) Not many women are pilots either, I realized later on. I got to spend a few afternoons one semester out at the airport (general aviation terminal) helping repair some small private aircraft, and I loved it. (Later on I saw the industry being very unstable so switched to electrical engineering, which is my current major.) But I am very proud of the time I spent in the pilot's seat, and that's why on several forums I use the alias 'Aviatrix' which, in case you didn't know, is the female form of the word 'Aviator.'
   
4. I'm used to being the only girl in a group of guys. As a kid, I used to play baseball on the boys' team (there was no girls team, and softball was only for older girls.) I used to play basketball on the boys' team. When my parents finally put me in cheerleading and softball, I lost interest in sports entirely and didn't play anymore. I wasn't interested in being around girls that much. In high school it was my physics class and computer science class... as they were elective and not required, there were more boys than girls. My senior year, it was all boys except for me. In all my engineering courses it's been the same, one girl compared to a group of boys. Occasionally there are other girls, but you can count them on your hand. One hand. At work, I'm the only girl in our section (signals management). I'm used to it by now, and I don't feel strange being the only girl in a lecture now oriented towards men, or praying behind the men in the same area. In fact a lot of times I feel more comfortable in that kind of gathering, or at least one of mixed gender, than one of only women. And except for the fact I was sorority president for a year, I don't have much to show for socializing with women. In fact, the whole sorority business is a fluke to my social life. Though I should add that the women in it are all kind of like me... engineering students, more acquainted to being around men.
   
5. I like to watch movies by myself. As long as I'm not too busy, I do this quite often. I go to the theater by myself, sit by myself, and enjoy the movie way more than if I had anyone with me I think. When I do go with other people I tend to experience it less, somehow. I watch them at home, too. At home I'm more relaxed and don't mind watching with others. I don't know many people who like to go to the movies by themselves though. Some even think there is this unwritten rule that you shouldn't even go alone, or you look like a dork. Guess I'm a dork! Haha.
6. I work on traffic signals. Red light, green light. My EE major got me a position (yes I'm still in school but working part-time) working for the state's traffic engineering branch of the department of transportation. In short, I draw up instructions on how to hook-up the cabinet to the intersection lights, and how to program the controller, to make it work properly. I can't say much more than that, because I don't think anyone would understand. I've tried explaining it to my fiancé, for example, and he didn't get it, and he's like the smartest person I know, so I won't even try here. But anyway, people stuck in the car with me at a poorly designed intersection understand that I know why it doesn't work, what should be done to fix it, and I feel more entitled to complain since I probably know who did it.
   
7. I want to own a motorcycle. My fascination with motorcycles is thus: they go fast, and you go fast, with no shell around you to mask the thrill. Riding a motorcycle behind a male driver isn't what I have in mind either (some girls would, arms around some muscles and whatever..). I mean to sit in the front, hands on the handlebars, feeling the front breeze rushing past me. What can I say, I love going fast. Joyriding in a car is nothing compared to a motorcycle in my opinion anyway.
   
8. My convert story. Some people talk about how Islam saved them from drugs, or alcohol, or scandalous unfulfilled lives. When I entered into Islam, it saved me from something else. I wasn't ready to be a practicing Muslim, no, but simply saying shahadah got me out of a predicament I was in, so in reality I don't regret saying it before I was ready to start practicing. And if I hadn't said it then, I might never have really discovered all I did, and learned to appreciate it so much. However, I did enter Islam with a sour taste in my mouth on a number of issues, and it's a real shame that exposure to Islam would leave anyone with such a poor opinion of any Muslim. And even though I benefited immediately from entering Islam, albeit not in a spiritual way exactly, I know that the only reason I had enough confidence to forsake the religion of my family, of my friends, to assert that I really did not want to worship 'Jesus as lord', the only reason I had the atom of faith to do that was from reading the Qur'an. Yes, it took me time to accept everything else, but the Qur'an is the speech of Allah, and Allah says that He alone guides people, and what else would He guide with other than His own speech? In the face of the worst examples of Muslims you could probably imagine, I decided to embrace it on one thing alone, and it wasn't the paragon people try to hold up when they give da'wah either. It wasn't an ideal, and it wasn't Muslims, it was only the Qur'an and that's the only explanation I can give. We as Muslims ask Allah for guidance at least 17 times a day, (every rakah we pray, ihdina al-sirat al-mustaqeem) but how often do we stop and actually listen to the guidance?

Now, on that note, I'm going to tag some people I know... I don't think I can come up with eight people who I know even read my blog regularly, much less who have their own blogs. So I came up with 5. Haha. If you don't have a blog please leave it in the comment section. Jazakumallah khair.

1. Amilah
2. Faith
3. Ahmed
4. Rose
5. Rehman
6. SS
7. Metta
8. Kad
   

Hairspray! and my New Best Friend

So in the last week I've seen three different movies in the theater. They were all good, I guess, but the only one I would definitely recommend to anyone would be the last one I saw.

Last weekend I went to see Becoming Jane with my brother and his fiancee. It was good, I should say, but the least favorite of the three. It's about Jane Austen, and if you don't know who that is... well, you probably wouldn't like the film. But if you're like me, and my brother's fiancee, who can quote extensively from Pride and Prejudice, and the modern version of Persuasion, you might enjoy it. Basically, romance, obligation to family, and sisterhood are prominent themes, as well as the injustice of the society, particularly towards women. Movies are for happy endings in my opinion, though, so shouldn't the lady get her man? Well, in Austen's novels they do, or in her movie character words they all get what they deserve. Recalling Vanity Fair that seems more appropriate. Anyway, it's like Jane Austen is a fashionable thing these days... Keira Knightly really destroyed P&P for me... I just can't explain it. Okay, so it wasn't just her, but partly how so many of the actors were much to old for their characters and... stopping now. Anyway, my bro's fiancee loved the film, I doubt I could sit through it again. It does little justice to the real Jane, I think.

The next movie I saw was Stardust. I had no idea what it was about, it sounded strangely sci-fi or fantasy-ish. Fantasy it was. Actually, one night out on the beach with my bro's fiancee (under an amazingly beautiful sky, so clear I could see the arm of the Milky Way, subhanallah... not a sight for the suburbs!) she was telling me about how the movie is about a falling star, a star who is a person, and some bloke who is looking for a star for his true love. She didn't tell me about Robert de Niro. The movie was good, but deNiro was great.

And just tonight I saw a movie to beat them all... Hairspray!! Movie of the year, I really really enjoyed it (ok, so I love musicals in general). I'm all out of things to say about. Just, if you haven't seen it, you probably should. It's great, the songs are great and the singing. Assuming you can get past John Travolta in drag... and... you probably can... except when the camera focuses on the butt... that's a bit weird. Nonetheless... great movie! Loved it.

Today was a busy day though. I'd wanted to go see Hairspray since I went to see Stardust, because I got to that one so early so I stopped in the Hairspray theater for a little while to pass time and fell in love, so I wanted to see the whole thing. (I came in near the end, when they were singing Without Love). Unfortunately, I had kind of a rough start this morning, with an icky email indicating to me that someone thinks I'm arguing with him while I'm trying to be happy and patient. I haven't got a reason to argue with him right now, so what the heck? But really, there's no worse way to start your day than that sort of an email... except the kind which says you'll only find out later what the problem is. What's that about? You're mad but what, you can't tell me why, you're just gonna wait a few days leaving me to brood about it? UGH!

So instead of moping about all day, which I really wanted to do--okay, so this really upset me--I decided to rearrange my room like I've been meaning to, and throw out the desk, and get the.. special thing..............

So I did. I bought a desk at a yardsale a few years ago, when I was dabbling with the idea of moving out of my parents' house. I painted it myself (did a terrible job really) and when I did actually end up moving out involuntarily I took it with me, and it was nice, especially the first three months I used it when I was in that other apartment. But now that I have a laptop I really don't need such a big desk with a hutch, but I was using the shelves. So I bought a bookcase... all the shelves (and more) and no dead empty space.

I put it together by myself (and did a really shoddy job of it actually, because it was hot in here, I was exhausted, and the black finish was smearing all over my hands--yeah, ew.) But it's up, only a few nails went crooked (I wasn't trying that hard) and even relatively stable. But once I got everything off the desk and onto the bookshelf or in little drawers I also bought today at Wal-mark (except for my printer, which needs a new home) and cleaned up the space... well then I had to get rid of the desk. Desk plus hutch, now, which I managed to get down the stairs of my apartment building all by myself! I of course did the pieces separately, the hutch I also took up the stairs to the parking lot and to the dumpster to throw it out.. wanna armwrestle?... but for the desk part which was a bit heavier, alhamdulillah one of my neighbors came out as I was trying to work it up the stairs and helped me carry it to the dumpster and shove it in.

And then... I went to get my friend. My new best friend, I'm calling it. My old best friend I had to sell for $800, that was my clarinet. But my new best friend is a YAMAHA "Portable" Grand Piano. Portable because it's electric--a keybord, but only the very finest, with weighted keys. Portable in my car, little red focus. I disassembled the stand (it was at my parents' house still) and put it all in my car, and now it's where my desk used to be. Takes up less space leaving more room to... pray? The whole room seems a little more open now, too. Oh yeah... I took the papasan chair out into the living room... that cleared lots of space! I put the bookshelf where it was, and my hamper, and then the piano where the desk was. Very nice!

So why do I call my musical instruments by best friends, someone might be wondering. I was trained privately in clarinet for eight years almost--a personal instructor, not to mention all the playing I did. My clarinet was with me more than any person was. And at other times the piano, when I wasn't playing in a formal group. You see, when I was mad, when I was sad, I could go to the piano, or the clarinet, and just let everything out. It's a tremendous way to relieve stress actually. It takes concentration, and passion at the same time, and is very relaxing. So it just comes out your fingers and onto the board. Wind instruments are better I think, because they force you to regulate your breathing, and take in lots and lots of air. Piano could cause a similar effect if you sing along with it. Not one of my strong suits. But anyway, whenever I've been really upset about something, I would go and play. If you need to cry, the music lets you cry. If you want to shout for joy it gives wings to your voice. If you need to beat out all your anger, the piano will take it. It will take the beating, and turn it into something else. It will take the tears, and turn them too. The piano doesn't get angry at you for your emotions, it just absorbs them, and uses them to make the music, deriving from them the passion. You can't have a fight with a piano, you just pour into it all your anger, all your pain, and the ivory keys just soak it up, letting you free of it. It doesn't build up, and start spitting back in your face. If you want to be happy, it's happy with you. If you want to be sad, it's sad with you. It doesn't make threats, hurl insults. It's just there when you need a friend. When you need someone to listen to the pain, to feel it.

Maybe that's my anti-social musically oriented self only, but I've always found music to be therapeutic. And on a day like today, I really needed to release some of that. Not sure how much stress you can keep after hauling a piano up a flight of stairs (electric or not!) but whatever was left, the piano took. It's a nice hobby anyway, so long as another friend is too angry to tell me what's wrong, but not to blame it on me. Gives me something to do other than cry, mope, or just generally be upset about the state of my life at present.

So when I need to be upset, if I get angry, or if I'm hurt (like right now), I can go to my best friend who listens, and who helps, and who doesn't get angry at me for having emotions. Thought that's what friends did anyway.